I don’t know when April Fools’ Day has become a confession day, and more and more people choose to confess on April Fools’ Day, and some people wait until April Fools’ confession, and confession has become an April Fool’s carnival.
Some people think that the April Fool’s Day confession is inappropriate, and how can they say that such a sacred thing like love can be said in a joke. In fact, those who choose to confess on April Fools’ Day have different psychology.
One is holding a tentative mentality. Many people confessed on April Fool’s Day for the purpose of testing, to test whether the other party has an object, whether it is interesting to them, and then make further plans. For example, a male netizen wanted to test several female friends at the same time on April Fool’s Day, but he accidentally selected the boys during group texting and made a joke.
The second is not to regret. When someone knows that the confession will fail, they still choose to tell the confession as a joke on April Fool’s Day, just for the sake of not regretting it. For example, in the most classic Korean drama “Please Answer 1998”, Jeong Hwan finally expressed his feelings to Deshan, but he knew that Deshan already had Aze in his heart, so he said it was just a joke in front of everyone. ,
The third is to be afraid of rejection. This should be the real reason why many people choose to confess on April Fool’s Day.
This April Fool’s Day, my cousin asked me to complain, saying that she was in her junior year and had no suitors. Unexpectedly, a lot of people confessed to her on April Fool’s Day, as if they had made an appointment, and almost all added “Happy April Fools’ Day” after the confession. I asked her how she responded, and she said that she only replied the word “go away”.
I couldn’t help laughing. My cousin was nicknamed Ice Beauty since she was a child. She has three-dimensional features and looks a bit like Di Lieba, but she doesn’t just smile, she always feels like she’s a thousand miles away. If I were her male classmate and there was no such thing as “April Fool’s Day”, I would not dare to confess to her.
No matter how sacred love is, our self-esteem is arrogant and fragile. If you are denied a confession on weekdays, you can only secretly sad yourself, especially for men, finding someone to talk to is more embarrassing and will only hurt your self-esteem even more. So confessing on April Fools’ Day can completely resolve the embarrassment. When the opponent refuses, saying “Happy April Fools’ Day” is the best defense.
But there are 365 days in a year, and only one day is April Fool’s Day. If we wait until April Fool’s Day to confess when we are tempted, we might miss the wonderful fate. In interpersonal communication, if you often have the “fear of rejection” thinking, dare not confess, dare not ask for help, dare not ask others, it will lead to dare not take a new step, dare not explore and pursue myself The life you want.
So we should face our “fear of rejection” mentality and explore the psychology behind “fear of rejection”.
01 Have more “rejected memories”, resulting in learned helplessness
According to the survey, people with a mentality of “fear of rejection” as adults are often rejected by their parents during childhood and adolescence. For example, if they want to buy a good-looking dress, their mother says no; if they want to sign up for the school’s basketball team, father Say no.
After you make a request, you get rejected again and again, and you have the memory of “not working”, and you have learned helplessness in making requests to others.
Psychologically, learned helplessness refers to a person’s powerless mental state and behavior when facing problems after experiencing failure and frustration.
This concept was put forward by the American psychologist Seligman. He made a classic experiment with dogs. At first, he kept the dog in a cage. As long as the buzzer sounded, it gave an uncomfortable electric shock. The dog was kept in the cage. The electric shock cannot be avoided in the house. After many experiments, the buzzer sounded and opened the cage door before giving the electric shock. At this time, the dog not only did not escape, but fell to the ground and started groaning and trembling before the electric shock appeared. It is learned helplessness to take the initiative to escape but desperately wait for the pain to come.
Those who are often rejected will feel helpless and think that when they make a request to others, they will definitely be rejected. Therefore, this type of people tend to be more independent, and they are used to solving problems by themselves instead of looking for help. But they were very tired, many things were held in their hearts, and they had to bear them on their own, and they did not enjoy the convenience and mutual support brought by good interpersonal relationships.
We have to exercise our mentality that we are not afraid of being rejected. This requires that we first learn to reject others. People who are often afraid of being rejected by others will not easily reject others, just as people who are afraid of being left out are very enthusiastic.
But many times we are wronging ourselves and doing things for others. From a psychological point of view, if we do not reject others, we are also worried that rejection will cause dissatisfaction with each other, leaving ourselves and leaving the relationship.
Just think about the meaning of maintaining a relationship that broke down because of one rejection? Conversely, when you are rejected, you will not be so uncomfortable.
02 “Negation by others” leads to self-denial and lack of self-value
Every year, I see news like this. Young girls commit suicide after confessing to boys that they have been rejected. Most people will have negative emotions after being rejected, but they will never deny the meaning of life. But some people will judge their own value based on the evaluation of others, and when they are denied and rejected by others, they will deny themselves.
People care about the relationship, and even feel their own value from the relationship, especially the men and women in the relationship. They often judge their value by the other’s love for them. Therefore, many men and women tend to fall into self-denial after breaking up, leading to depression .
This is also the reason why many people are “afraid of being rejected.” In order to prevent “others’ denial and rejection”, they close their hearts and reduce interpersonal communication. This is an unhealthy mentality. This phenomenon is actually due to a lack of self-worth, and the lack of self-worth is also caused by our childhood and teenage experiences.
In our growth process, if important others, that is, parents often ask us, when we fail to meet the requirements, we will be denied. It is easy for us to lack a sense of self-worth, which leads to caring about the evaluation of others and judging ourselves from the evaluation of others.
Well-known psychologists, HaleS, etc. believe that since the family is the basic social unit that children come into contact with earliest, most frequently and most closely, children’s intrinsic self-worth is mainly through the close, frequent, and extensive relationship between parents and other close family members. Formed by the interaction.
If parents can give their children unconditional love and affirm their children more, they will not easily lack a sense of self-worth when they become adults.
We often say that if we want to be loved by others, we must first love ourselves. And how should we love ourselves?
First, we must know and accept ourselves.
When we continue to understand and recognize ourselves, we will clarify our own strengths and weaknesses, and will not change our own evaluation because of others’ evaluations. When we know ourselves enough, we must learn to accept our shortcomings, and at the same time, according to our own situation, set beautiful goals for ourselves and work hard for them. What does it matter even if it fails? Because we have learned to accept our unsuccessful and all kinds of bad things.
Secondly, reconcile with yourself.
Regardless of how important others treat you in the process of growing up, you should treat yourself as a part of your life if you don’t judge it. No matter what you have experienced in the past, no matter whether you work hard or not, do not leave regrets, and do not evaluate right or wrong, as you must go through the path of growth. Reconcile with each step of your past, reconcile with your native family, and be truly reconciled with yourself.
Finally, we must continue to strengthen self-affirmation.
No matter what we have experienced in the past, we must be clear about our value and continue to affirm ourselves. Make more friends who support you, and when you start to doubt yourself, get affirmation from them; collect more of yourself to get results, and motivate yourself at any time; buy more gifts for yourself to reward yourself, affirm yourself, and tell yourself what you have done Very good.
If you have enough confidence and a strong sense of self-worth, how can you still be afraid of rejection? When you see the object of your heart, you will definitely immediately walk up to him and tell him: “I like you!”