When two people are good friends, no problems seem to arise; but when three people are good friends, there seems to be conflict everywhere.
From a psychological perspective, why is the friendship of three people so difficult to maintain?
Is friendship, like love, exclusive?
If you think about this problem separately, it can be divided into the following aspects:
[Everyone is eager to get attention]
Everyone is eager to join the group and get attention.
If three or more people are together, everyone else is having a good time, and you alone are alone next to you and you can’t blend in. This feeling is uncomfortable.
Therefore, this state of “one person pretending to smile” does not only appear in the friendship of three people.
[The friendship between three people can also be very stable]
Friendship is not the same as love. Love must be single-minded. You can only love me, and you can only fall in love with me.
But friendship is different. We can have many good friends.
And the quality of friendship, stability, and pleasure, I think it has nothing to do with the number of people, but whether it is suitable for everyone and whether it is comfortable to get along with.
The boat of friendship between two people may also be turned over.
But sometimes three people, when two of the boats are about to overturn, the third person will go back to be a peacemaker, persuade them to make an appointment for a meal, and give them a step, which will be more stable.
[How to avoid being “isolated”]
So how to avoid the “isolated” situation?
In fact, I personally think that in many cases it is not that others deliberately isolate you, but that you have closed yourself up.
For example, you may always wait for others to pay attention to yourself, instead of taking the initiative to take that step.
They are playing and playing, you just get involved, or say “what are you playing, it looks interesting” or something.
[Don’t be afraid of rejection, be confident, and believe that you are welcome. 】
1. According to the principle of “the triangle has stability”, the friendship of three people can be more stable than two people. The premise is that the strength of the three vertices of the triangle (the three parties of friendship) is relatively balanced, and the length of the three sides (between two and two) The relationship between far and near) should be basically similar, so that the triangle is stable.
2. The balance of power has something to do with the gender, personality, and personality of all parties.
3. The length of the three sides is generally dynamic. The physical and psychological distances between each other are in a constantly changing process, so the triangle will be a constantly deforming triangle. Once the length of one side is greater than the other two sides The sum of the lengths of, then this triangle will disintegrate.
Of course, among all friendships, the greater the difference between each other, the easier it is to attract each other, which is conducive to the establishment of friendship; but only the greater the similarity between each other, the easier it is to achieve mutual understanding and help maintain friendship. The higher the degree of mutual tolerance, the greater the flexibility of the relationship. To
It’s common but not necessarily to take pictures of other people. The relationship between two people can be very stable, and the triangle can also be a stable geometric structure.
But when people look at it in detail, there will be various special cases. Three people can also talk and laugh, each complementing each other, just like three people co-starring in a TV series. If four people become four people, it will be like four directions and a pure life. Ugly, sisters, brothers…
The change of friendship may be like the face of a three-year-old child, and a sudden storm in a clear sky may not necessarily be related to the number of people. It is a very critical signal to see whether each other can maintain reciprocity and comfort in the relationship.
If one party in a multi-person friendship has conflicts with other people and is not resolved, then the friendship connection may disappear.
⊙ It doesn’t seem to cause problems when two people are friends
⊙When three people are friends, there are always conflicts
⊙The remaining people pretend to smile and go away after two steps
The reason why the friendship between the three people is difficult to maintain may still be discussed from the third person who is “out of the relationship”, and the relationship means that this is not just the element of the third person, the other two people also have reasons and responsibilities.
Comparing itself is the beginning of harm. Friendship is like love. Sometimes it is very fragile and possessive. When this desire exceeds the boundary, it is too heavy for friendship. People who feel unhappy may quit automatically.
●Two people and a third person
When trying to establish a relationship, true happiness and bonding will go a long way. If two people don’t pay attention to the daily running-in, they may drift away and lose their books.
In contrast, when indifference, anger and negativity become the norm, interpersonal relationships will fail. This does not mean that people cannot be stable in the relationship for a long time, but that they have appropriate ways to deal with their own negative emotions. Maintain self-esteem.
● Dedication and no comparison
The care of loving more and less is easy to make people feel uncomfortable. Comparing with the other two in the game may also take the initiative to let yourself out. When the care begins, the friendship has begun to change.
In interpersonal relationships, more dedication is needed rather than demand. Over time, many parties in interpersonal relationships will usually take for granted the efforts of others and their own demands.
◆People tend to expect more
◆But less recognition of the contributions of others
◆And will attribute jealousy negatively
In order to maintain a happy and healthy relationship, it is necessary to make exclusivity an element of loyalty to each other’s friendship. The exclusivity here is that the three people work together externally, rather than disintegrate inwardly. Three people can also become a stable friendship structure that is consistent externally.
We want to express our appreciation to others, appreciate each other’s differences, and at the same time unify our opinions on important positions. Good luck.
In fact, many personal friendships can be relatively stable, provided that there is a limit in the heart.
When a friend treats another friend well, we should see that this is the right and freedom of a friend. If you want to join, it is your freedom. If you want to watch, it is also your freedom. If you watch, then Random thinking is also your choice. do you understand?
In the relationship of three people, it seems that you have the element of passive waiting. When you are passively waiting, why do you ask others to take the initiative to satisfy your desire for friendship?
The most comfortable distance between friends is that we are very comfortable together, and when we are not together it is also very comfortable to think of. I have something to look for you, you can respond to me, there is no pressure, no burden to each other.
Go back to reality and look at your situation: you are eager and unwilling to express, and you want others to understand. This is really difficult, so if you want a stable friendship, you may need to learn to express and let others understand what you want. , How do you feel,
You want the way that others get along with you, and at the same time you must learn to respect each other’s differences, and give everyone enough time and space to grow slowly and slowly adapt.
After reading your narrative, you narrowed down your thinking to a fixed frame and did not come out.
You presuppose a premise that the friendship between two people can be long-lasting, and the friendship between three people cannot be sustained, and there is a contradiction. Because the friendship of three people will have a competitive relationship, depending on who is closer to whom, and who is better with whom.
Obviously, if you make friends with such a perception, your feedback is not ideal. Because there is a competitive relationship in your mind, not an equal friend relationship. There is a kind of thinking here whether to focus on self-feeling or to take care of the emotions of friends.
Of course, usually one person in three or more networks will play a role in balancing the relationship. This is also the core role we often talk about.
If you carefully observe his behavioral cognitive model, we will find that he himself is more open to the gains and losses of this kind of friend relationship. Such a person will get the attention and recognition of others.
You can observe and experience in life.