June 25, 2022

Practical advice for overcoming social anxiety


What is social phobia?

The differential diagnosis of social phobia mainly refers to the following points:

①Are you afraid of activities such as answering questions, speaking or performing in public? (whether)

②Are you afraid of participating in group activities such as banquets, conference rooms, and classrooms, or are you afraid of occasions where others have already finished their seats? (whether)

③Are you afraid of making a fool of yourself in public and being denied by others? (whether)

④The fear in the preceding paragraphs ①, ②, and ③ is strong, and the behavior of avoiding the above situation has affected daily life, or enduring the above situation while enduring a strong sense of fear for more than six months. (whether)

①~④ If you choose “Yes”, then you may be social phobia.


10 ways to get rid of recognition

1. Find anxiety and control anxiety

The first step in controlling anxiety is to know when you feel anxious. Use numerical values ​​to express your anxiety. The book recommends using 1-100, in fact, using 1-10 is fine, just like a thermometer, it can let you know which level you are in.

When the anxiety value reaches about 8 points, it will enter the danger zone, which is prone to cognitive distortion. At this time, be careful not to make jumping conclusions or emotional processing.

Try to take deep breaths and rest to reduce anxiety.

“Enjoy” 15 minutes that I can’t figure out

Concentrate your energy on worrying, carefully predict different situations in your mind, and anticipate the best and worst situations. The best and worst take 5 minutes each. There are 5 minutes left to preview both the best and the worst. You don’t have to think too much afterwards, because no matter how you think about it, it’s superfluous.

During these 15 minutes, be sure to record your thoughts with a pen. Record what you think of one by one to make your thinking clear and prevent going around in circles. Record both the best and the worst.

Writing your thoughts can also relieve anxiety.

“I can’t figure it out” as much as I like within the stipulated 15 minutes, and spend the remaining time on other more beneficial things.

2. Divert attention

People who recognize birth will always pay attention to how others view themselves, and this idea is directly related to anxiety. When focusing all on yourself, it makes them anxious. To learn to divert attention to other things, this method can help you relax.

After successfully shifting attention to the object, the next step is to practice shifting attention to the person. What needs attention in the diversion exercise is that you must be like a policeman or a detective and concentrate on remembering the other’s appearance.

The author recommends:

When a person is anxious, his attention will focus on how others perceive him. At this time, when you focus on the other’s appearance characteristics, people’s consciousness will change, the energy to pay attention to oneself will decrease, and anxiety will naturally decrease.

The best training place for diversion exercises is the subway. Try to remember the appearance of the passengers.

Repeat training. In the end, even if you pay attention to yourself, you can calmly shift your attention to others and reduce your own anxiety index.

Listen to external sounds

In addition to visual attention can be shifted, auditory attention can also do the same.

At the auditory level, don’t pay too much attention to “whether your voice is unnatural”, but to pay attention to “how the other person’s voice sounds”.

At the beginning, you can focus on the sound outside the window, the sound of the computer cooling fan in the room, the sound of the air conditioner, the footsteps outside the door, etc., and then focus on your own voice.

Don’t be too biased to pay attention to yourself, but to find a balance between paying attention to others and yourself.

3. Replace memory

Human memory is random. You can only remember what is good for you.

Human memory is so malleable and random, you can rewrite a memory that makes you painful, and rewrite negative content into positive content.

Use the “Peak End Law” to manipulate memory

The so-called peak-end law, that is, the bad experience of a thing, is only determined by the degree of pain at the peak and the end.

When you force the fond memories to be added to it, you will suddenly become enlightened.

4. Found little luck

People who recognize birth will pay attention to the negative aspects of things, but as long as they practice, they can slowly begin to pay attention to the positive aspects of things.

Professor Martin Seligman of Positive Psychology puts forward the “three good things” exercise: recording three good things before going to bed can help people improve their happiness.

The author further refines it into: things done, things happy, things grateful.

It only takes 5 minutes, not too long.

5. Praise yourself more

People who are harsh on themselves will be afraid of this exercise. They think that praise and kindness will only make themselves degenerate and become hopeless.

Praise yourself for your practice, starting with small things. For example, you can praise yourself after brushing your teeth, and you can praise yourself after a walk. Don’t stop complimenting things for granted.

The theory of “operating conditioning” is related to self-praise. “Operational conditioned reflex” is the theoretical basis of behavior therapy, that is, by strengthening the response of animals or humans to rewards (or punishments), and shaping their behaviors, or increasing or reducing certain behaviors.

If you want to increase your good behavior, you must give yourself a little reward. People with social phobias are good at punishing themselves, so the punishment should not be strengthened.

Try to praise yourself no matter how small things are;

You can also bring your best-looking photos with you to enhance your sense of self-affirmation. You can set this photo as your phone’s avatar.

6. Look for other modes of thinking

Even if you don’t understand other people’s ideas, try to think about the problem from someone’s standpoint as an exercise.

You can change your mind by modifying the sentence.

For example: “I can’t do it anymore” into “I can”. “This person hates me” is changed to “This person doesn’t hate me”. and many more.

7. Learn to listen to others

The secret to being good at listening is not to think about how good you become. The important thing is that you are immersed in a conversational environment.

Focus on the other person’s conversation. If you pay too much attention to yourself, you will not be able to listen well, and you will be trapped in thinking about whether my reaction was good enough just now, which will increase anxiety.

8. Get close to people

The most effective way is to find common ground between yourself and others.

The secret to finding common ground between two people is to observe carefully.

9. How to stay calm in public

When a person is anxious, the breathing rate becomes faster. Therefore, consciously slow down your breathing rate and focus your attention on breathing to achieve a calming effect.

Breathing and progressive relaxation therapy are generally used before stress-prone occasions, but do not spend too much time to do it, preferably before playing.

10. Think of it

You can try a variety of ways to vent your emotions. People with a wide range of hobbies always have an advantage. You can choose some healthy activities.

Cultivate more interests and hobbies, and improve your mood through these.


10 self-training methods for healing and recognizing life

1. “Exposure Therapy”-Step into your own forbidden zone

Self-exposure therapy means that one voluntarily enters a situation or occasion where one has felt fear and anxiety, and through self-exposure, gradually makes the body and mind get used to the environment.

The basic idea of ​​exposure therapy is to “face up to one’s anxiety.” The point is not to be forced by others and to practice on your own will.

Challenge: Asking strangers for directions

The point is to “ask and get information from strangers by yourself”, not “the other party tells you where is the right way.” Even if you already know the way to go, the act of consciously trying to ask strangers for directions is still very meaningful.

PUA’s hit-up practice is to force passersby a certain number of calls or WeChat every day.

In the process of constantly exposing yourself to others, contact with others will no longer make you feel pressured.

To perform exposure therapy correctly, you need to give up all safety measures, face the other person’s eyes and talk to the other person with the most authentic expression. (Wearing sunglasses or a mask is absolutely not advisable.)

At the same time, when talking, don’t pay attention to how the other person looks at yourself, pay attention to observe the other person.

Through continuous practice every day, anxiety will naturally decrease, and you will gradually adapt to talking with others.

2. Must-try “return exercises”

Social anxiety is very bad at returning goods. Even if you buy substandard products, you are afraid to return and can only endure it.

LSAS (Liebowitz Social Anxiety Scale-Social Anxiety Scale) is specifically used to measure the degree of symptoms of social phobia and evaluate its treatment effects. In the scale, 13 kinds of bad behaviors and 11 social situations where people with social phobias feel anxious are set.

One of these behaviors is “returning goods.”

You can practice returning goods at a convenience store, take two bottled drinks to the counter, and return one of them before the other party scans the code.

Or try to spend a little less when making a payment, and see how the store clerk reacts.

3. Listening for a lifetime

An important requirement when listening is to have an unconditional affirmative attitude.

Receive the other party’s thoughts and feelings intact. No matter the content is good or bad, listen carefully and intuitively. In addition, there is another important requirement, that is, empathy. Feel the emotion of the other person through the words of the other person.

The specific method of operation is that if you agree with the other party, it means “right, that’s right”.

It is best to choose specific topics for topics, avoiding general and overly abstract topics. In order to make the topic specific, you need to induce the question “5W1H”.

“5W1H” means “When”, “Where”, “Who”, “What”, “Why” and “How”. When the six elements enter the dialogue, the content of the dialogue will naturally become vivid and concrete.

4. “I Message” that must be learned

“I Message” means changing the “You” in a sentence into the perspective of “I”.


“You” Message: You always do your work alone.

“I” Message: I hope you can ask me for more help.

“You” Message: How many times did I say that you can remember?

“I” Message: This matter is very important, you remember it even if it helps me a lot.

But this method is not a panacea. When this method is invalid, just give up.

5. In line with international etiquette

In Japan, “looking directly into the eyes of people with high status is impolite behavior.” However, in the context of an international society, it is very important to face each other’s eyes squarely.

You may be uncomfortable at first. You can start by looking at the neck and tie of the other person. Then, bit by bit, transfer from the throat, mouth, nose to the eyes.

You can choose your favorite video program.

6. “Sandwich speaking method” talking about difficult problems

The so-called “sandwich speaking method” is to divide the discourse into three paragraphs, and add positive language before and after the subject, for example: thank the other party-what is hard to say-thank the other party.


(1) Thank you for your hard work.

(2) What is hard to say-it would be better if you can correct this error.

(3) Thank the other person-of course, I have always appreciated your efforts.

(This section really has East Asian characteristics)

7. Imagine success and motivate yourself

The practice of imagining past successful experiences can help people improve their health recognition.

But don’t take too long to do this, otherwise it will become a “safety measure” for self-protection, and time should be controlled to the extent of a fleeting passing.

8. Small step, memory accomplishment

Write down your goals and divide the process before reaching them into small stages. Set each small goal from easy to difficult, as detailed as possible. The sense of accomplishment gained after completing the small goals will gradually accumulate.

In the Small step method, the most critical point is to minimize the burden of each step. Make a plan, and make the final goal as detailed as possible, so that each goal can be reached on tiptoe.

9. “Mind training”-5 minutes quick practice

Answer the following 7 questions intuitively:

(1) What is your trouble or stress?

(2) Please use numbers from 0 to 100 to indicate the true degree of distress or stress in question 1.

(3) Please use numbers from 0 to 100 to indicate the degree of distress or stress caused by question 1.

(4) Please flip the content. (Affirmative-Negative)

(5) Please write down the 2 grounds and reasons for the reversal.

(6) Next, please reconsider whether the distress or pressure of question 1 is real, represented by numbers 0-100.

(7) Please consider again, what is the degree of distress caused by the distress or stress of question 1, expressed by numbers from 0 to 100.

10. “Emotional training”-10 minutes mindfulness therapy

“Emotional training” is the exercise of emotions. Carry out “emotional training”, that is, use 10 minutes to feel the negative emotions to your heart’s content. Even if you are anxious, don’t escape, please face it, feel it, digest it.

Don’t avoid, reject, or suppress your negative emotions. No matter what your mood is, allow yourself to feel it. But don’t vent your emotions on the angry object.

This training will take about 10 minutes, more or less is not a big problem, just follow your own intuition.

As long as you keep practicing every day, you can get significant results.

Don’t force yourself, practice within your own abilities.


Introduce 3 ways to prevent the recurrence of anxiety

1. “Active training” to calm the mood

The easiest way is to carry out “active training”, “heart training” and “emotional training”.

Find the positive side of things through “active training”, change cognitive distortions through “heart training”, and accept your own feelings through “emotional training”. As long as these three methods are used, most of the anxiety and anxiety should be relieved, Even dissolve.

The key to “active practice” is to persevere every day like writing a diary, and you can record on your phone every day.

2. Progressive relaxation therapy to relax the body and mind

When the body is in a state of continuous tension, artificially creating relaxation time is beneficial to relieve tension and relax.

Progressive relaxation therapy is easy to operate and mainly has the following steps:

(1) Apply force to a specific part of the body. (About 70% of the power is enough.)

(2) Hold for 5-6 seconds.

(3) Relax, and experience the feeling of relaxation in about 10 seconds.

It is relaxation exercises, which can be done anywhere, and when you get used to it, you can grasp your own state of relaxation.

3. Breathing method to adjust mood and change attention

Just slow down your breathing consciously.

The breathing method is divided into two steps. In the first step, breathe out slowly for 3 seconds while saying “relax” in your mind; in the second step, breathe in slowly for 3 seconds.

When a person is anxious, the breathing rate becomes faster. Maintaining a slow breathing rhythm can help us relax.