Love must have an appropriate “distance”, but not “distance”; the relationship needs “boundary”, but not “limited”. Even if it is a close partner, it is also two people. In life and emotion, there are parts that belong to oneself, and there are parts that belong to two people in common. These two parts need consensus and balance.
A person without boundaries will be chaotic, taking responsibility for others, over-controlling or submissive, wanting to change others but feeling powerless and frustrated.
A person who lacks boundaries will lose himself, and he will be destined to be unhappy and even miserable in his life.
A person without boundaries is:
1. Live for others, but don’t know how to live for yourself
Such people have not lived for themselves. They are parents, friends, work (patients), family (spouse, children), and live in the expectations and requirements of others (parents, teachers, bosses, friends, spouses). I have never seriously thought about what I want? What are my true ideals and desires? I always think that what I want is not important. He must feel frustrated because they have been doing things they don’t want or like, and they also feel resentful, resentful towards those who control him, and feel that they have no choice. Such people lack self-identity, self-identity confusion, do not know who to live for, and cannot recognize who they are, who others are, whether they are what they want or what others want.
You need to: start taking responsibility for yourself and your own life, get out of the expectations of others, know what you want and what do you want to do?
2. Being controlled by others without understanding self-respect
Such a person is easily controlled or hurt by others, has no ability to limit others’ harm to themselves (physically, emotionally), and does not know how to protect and respect themselves. Often they are too dependent on or obedient to others, so that they cannot set limits on others and feel pain and humiliation.
You need: Respect your body and emotions, advocate your due rights, and reject the harm from others.
3. Be responsible for others, but don’t know how to be responsible for yourself
Such people are often responsible for the feelings of others and fear that they will be angry, sad, or disappointed. In order to please the other party, they often care too much about the other party’s feelings, but ignore their own feelings or lose control. He often feels guilty and feels that he is wrong or not doing well enough.
You need to: separate this is your emotions or the other’s emotions. Let others be responsible for their own emotions, you are responsible for your own feelings, and avoid being controlled by other people’s emotions.
4. Lose control and don’t know how to master yourself
Such people hand over the control and choice of life and life to others and become unable to control themselves. Over-reliance on others, fear of making decisions, letting others make decisions for him, or holding others accountable for him. I feel that we must do everything that others require and let others control our lives and choices. I often feel panic, unable to control myself, and deny (shirk) my responsibilities, thinking that I have no choice.
You need to: make choices and decisions for yourself, and be responsible for the consequences of your choices and decisions. Be responsible for your own actions and take control of your own life without being responsible for the actions of others.