There was a popular saying many years ago: The farthest distance in the world is when I stand in front of you, but you don’t know that I love you. In recent years: The farthest distance in the world is when I stand in front of you, but you are playing with your mobile phone. I think it can also be said: The farthest distance in the world is a communication problem. Because the longest line between two points is “communication”.
I have seen a lot of couples, who often quarrel about all kinds of big and small matters, and they still love each other in their hearts, but in the end they come to the point where they are about to end. After some persuasion from relatives and friends, they finally wanted to calm down and communicate well. As a result, they started to attack each other without saying a few words.
“What are you talking about? It seems that I have treated you very badly. For so many years, I have been doing all the housework, and am I taking care of all the children…”.
“Did I say that you are not good? You just nag and caress. Didn’t I pay for this family? I am also very busy…”.
“I think you didn’t put your heart at home, put your heart on us. Anything outside is more important than us…”. “What are you saying, do I have to go around you all day? Why don’t I have to do anything…”.
All communication carries negative emotions. When you speak, it’s like trying to hug the other person with one hand, but slap the other person in the face with the other hand.
Today I will probably talk about the effective and complete communication process in interpersonal:
Information sending → receiving → feedback
1. Information transmission: effective transmission of information.
(1) Completeness of information: express what you want to say clearly, completely and accurately. Remember: no one is born to understand or guess what you really think.
(2) Try to avoid accusations and complaints.
2. Receiving: a way to effectively receive information.
(1) Listen actively and patiently.
(2) Put your doubts or things you don’t understand, in a non-harmful tone, and ask the other party.
(3) Fully understand the course of the event and the feelings of the other party.
3. Feedback: an effective way of talking.
(1) Re-express what the other party said just now in your own language.
(2) Express your opinions without harm.
These three steps seem simple, but they are very difficult to use in practice. Especially before communicating, learn to deal with your own emotions. In other words, if you have resentment in your heart, your mouth is a spear. This requires more practice on weekdays, because the school and society teach us a lot, and the course of “love” requires “self-study”.
Here, there are two very important communication principles:
1. Learn to change positions and look at problems from another angle: look at the outside world, look at each other, look at yourself, and look at the whole incident.
2. See the starting point behind the incident: Every behavior has its reasons, no matter how incredible it is on the surface, whether you are used to seeing it or not. When you communicate with this kind of mentality, the other party will feel that you are not “lethal.” Every word he utters, don’t worry about being blamed by you. This kind of communication is meaningful.
Finally: Attitude is more important than anything else! First deal with the mood, then deal with the feelings, and finally discuss things.