June 20, 2021

High EQ is not a scheming, but a kindness for the sake of others

There is a widely circulated formula: human success = 1% IQ + 99% EQ.

Many people will find that some friends may not have a high degree of education, but they always feel like spring breeze when chatting with him. Such people often “eat well and mix well” in society.

For some people, there is a cold field as soon as they exit, and they always run into a wall in society.

The reason is the problem of emotional intelligence. 6 habits of high EQ will change your life little by little.

01



People with high EQ are good at listening.

Listening is a kind of art, a kind of morality, and even more a manifestation of high emotional intelligence.

What does it mean to be good at listening? To be good at listening is to wait attentively for others to finish speaking.

What people with high emotional intelligence say is to listen to the heart of others first, listen and think, and then speak from the other person’s perspective.

So their words are more likely to be welcomed by everyone.

In the “Historical Records”, it says: “Words can be heard, and Tao is advancing”.

People’s need to be heard is far greater than the need to listen to others.



Therefore, if you want to be loved by others, you should learn to use your ears and be a person who knows how to listen.

I listened to the mountains and flowing water of Bo Ya in my childhood, so I had a friend; the affection between Sanmao and Jose is a confession that has been coming from each other in the past six years.

If you become a loyal listener of others, the other party will definitely feel that you are valued, and thus have a good impression of you and willing to associate with you.

02

People with high EQ can control their emotions.

People who can’t control their emotions, in fact, no matter how powerful they are, it won’t help.

Zhang Fei is not only super capable, but also good at fighting.

But Zhang Fei’s death was actually very aggrieved. He did not go to death generously on the battlefield, but was killed by his own emotions.



Hearing that his good brother Guan Yu was killed, he couldn’t restrain his grief first, with blood and tears sticking to his chest.

Then he drunk and flogged the soldiers, asking them to build weapons day and night, and wanted to avenge his brothers immediately.

In the end, the subordinates Fan Qiang and Zhang Daren couldn’t bear it, so they had to take advantage of Zhang Fei’s drunk and assassin him in the barracks.

Everyone has a variety of emotions, but smart people with high emotional intelligence will better manage and control bad emotions, transfer bad emotions cleverly, and don’t be emotional slaves.

People who are prone to fluctuating emotions, and who are easy to show their emotions and anger, are not so frank, as they lack inner experience.

Being able to be calm at any time, behave rationally, restrain emotional impulses, restrain eager desires, keep oneself in a good mood, be cheerful, and open-minded, which is the performance of high EQ.

03

People with high EQ can afford it and let it go.

Life is never a smooth journey. We will reap flowers and applause, and we will also experience setbacks and sufferings.

But people with high EQ have the courage and responsibility to take it, but also have the mind and wisdom to let go.

In the Han Dynasty, a man named Meng Min walked on the road with a large pot on his back. When the bottle fell on the ground accidentally, Meng Min still walked forward without looking back.

A passerby asked him why he didn’t even look at it. Meng Min said, “Tao Zi is broken, what use is there to look at it again?”

Affordability is survival, and letting go is life; affording it is ability, and letting it go is wisdom.

After Fan Li assisted Goujian to succeed in the restoration of the country, he abandoned the officialdom and went into business, went into seclusion, and went rafting with Xizi on the West Lake. He didn’t listen to the dissuasion of the language, and finally got the sad ending of “the rabbit is dead and the dog is cooking”.

Emotions and fame are good, if you can afford it, you can afford it, you can afford it, you care about others, and you can let it go, it is to complete yourself, this is the quality that a lofty businessman should have.

04

People with high EQ work well.

Zhou Guoping once said: “There is an unsurpassable final boundary in all communication. Between the two people, this boundary is not clear, but it is definite. All troubles and conflicts arise from an unintentional attempt to break through this boundary.”

What you can say, how much you can say, how to make the other person feel comfortable, mastering these problems reflects a person’s emotional intelligence.

The real high EQ is to treat others appropriately and have a bottom line.

Once Zeng Guofan celebrated his birthday, the famous general Bao Chao went to Anqing to celebrate his birthday.

Bao Chao is a rough man, and his army is known for being able to fight and rob, so he is also a rich man.

Bao Chao brought a total of 16 packs of gifts, including many precious jewels and antiques.

Zeng Guofan laughed at it, picked a small hat from it, and took the rest back to Bao Chao.

Zeng Guofan’s approach neither violated his own principles nor refuted the face of his generals.

Proper measure is a measuring stick: you don’t know how to behave, and you will be sparse if you are too close, and you will be cold if you are too hot.

When you don’t deliberately embarrass others in front of everyone, and know how to get along with people just right, you will have a high EQ.

05

People with high EQ know how to refuse at the right time.

In Chinese culture, you must be careful about face and decent work, and you must not let others poke your spine behind your back, be concerned about the impact of your actions on others, and how others think about yourself.

But sometimes, only by knowing how to refuse can life be brightened up suddenly. It takes courage to refuse, and people with high EQ know how to refuse in a timely manner.

After Qian Zhongshu’s death, Fei Xiaotong, who had been concerned about Yang Jiang for a long time, thought that his opportunity had come, so he came to visit Yang Jiang in the name of caring for his old friends, hoping to take care of her.

Fei Xiaotong’s meaning, as smart as Yang Jiang, is naturally in his eyes.

But in order not to jeopardize the face of his old friend, Yang Jiang said to him when he was leaving: “The stairs are not easy to walk, so you shouldn’t’go up when you know the difficulties’ in the future.”

Fei Xiaotong is also a wise man. He understood Yang Jiang’s illocutionary meaning, and since then he has also died of that heart.

Rejection is not indifference, but rejection of unreasonable requests, rejection is not part of the business, rejection of pain.

People with high EQ will use appropriate rejection methods to make their lives smooth and satisfied, and they will not be too wronged.

06

People with high EQ know how to think for others.

Daniel Gorman wrote in the book “Emotional Quotient”: “People with low IQ and high EQ can be helped by noble people; people with high IQ and low EQ will not meet their talents.”

If you really feel that low EQ is helpless, just remember one thing: be sincere and consider others for the sake of others.

Many people’s low EQ is because they can’t think about others, because they have a heavy heart for gains and losses, and they are always afraid of losing money.

The highest EQ is not scheming, but kindness for the sake of others.