Social fear is a wonderful phenomenon unique to human beings. Such a phenomenon cannot be seen in the animal world. If they exclude each other, it is mostly for the borders, territories, food and spouse for survival, or the habit of living alone. Animals’ rejection is outward, but social fear seems to be the rejection of certain people. In essence, it is inward, and it is one’s own rejection of oneself. I feel imperfect, ridiculous, and funny in the eyes of others, and even read the shameful, despicable, and morbid state of my heart from the eyes of others, and regard the normal behaviors, voices, and expressions of others as disgust and contempt for myself. The person standing opposite him is unaware, and the true meaning of social interaction has disappeared. He objectively becomes a mirror of himself.
It is almost an unsolvable psychological dilemma that a person falls into rejection of oneself. This dilemma will inspire a strong neurotic conflict, accompanied by obvious tension, fear, blushing, sweating, agitation, and even running away. How can you escape if you don’t like yourself?
The inner pain, shame, self-denial, and even self-hatred caused by social fear will surprise senior psychologists! Sometimes, it seems that only the desire to die can calm down the anger towards yourself.
Whenever I face someone who is socially fearful, my heart will be filled with awe of culture. People with social fears have such a transcendent, perfect, and authoritative me in their hearts. It uses harsh “must” to control themselves. When there is a little imperfection in social life, a strong self-denial, derogation, and condemnation arise spontaneously. . Who makes people produce such a powerful superego in their hearts is naturally a culture that animals do not have.
Culture stimulates people’s excessive pursuit of self-esteem, idealized self, and honor, which results in a kind of reversal, which produces a kind of neurotic depression and denial of oneself. The shame of Eastern culture may be one of the important reasons for self-exclusion. Therefore, there are many people of social fear of the yellow race. Japanese psychologists simply call it anthrophobia.
However, social fear has a deeper meaning. Generally smart, sensitive, and somewhat neurotic people are easy to fall into such a predicament, and this type of person happens to be a creative person. Just as the bee colony only needs one queen bee, natural elimination will make the bees who may become queen bee be eliminated early. Neurotic conflict is a shortcut to self-destruction. Excellent people become mediocre and lose their competitiveness after such torture. So how the self interprets social fear is very important. If you think your social fear is a disease, you get depression, pathological behavior and failure. If you read it as I don’t like to socialize, then you get time, knowledge and inner peace. People who have to spend their energy in social interactions. People who have achieved achievements in philosophy, politics, literature, and science are mostly people who don’t like society.
The treatment of social fear is mostly not aimed at the fear itself, but is often aimed at how to accept the fear and overcome the avoidance behavior of the social environment. When I was an intern in the psychiatric department of a medical university, I received a 22-year-old girl in the outpatient clinic. Her problem is that she does not dare to fall in love. Whenever someone wants to introduce her friends, she will faint due to panic. Dr. Xi has already diagnosed her as social fear, because the social fear was only aimed at a certain person at first, and then the fear generalized to many people. During psychotherapy, the girl was very fluent when talking to the doctor about her problems. Then the doctor pointed at me and said to the girl: “Okay, you can treat him as your boyfriend for desensitization now.” The voice just fell off. , She was suddenly very nervous, her face flushed, her eyes were buried, her voice trembled, and she seemed to be dying.
The girl’s mother introduced her to a partner and asked her to go to the meeting next week. She was afraid that she would be ill, so she came to seek treatment. The doctor said to the girl: “Don’t rush to talk to him about friends. Go and meet him, ask him his name and age, and just come back and tell me.” At the follow-up visit, her mother said that she did well this time. , Talked with that boy for more than half an hour.
When the girl talked about the situation at the time, she said, “Because all I thought was to ask his name, I didn’t think so much.” In fact, the doctor was doing progressive desensitization treatment. It’s just that the doctor changed the meaning of the girl’s behavior of seeing her boyfriend. In the past, she saw her boyfriend to get married, but now she is going to ask the doctor for information. By reconstructing the meaning of blind date, the doctor transferred her inner anxiety and reduced her social fear.
Accepting yourself frankly, admitting that you are not good at socializing, allowing yourself to be imperfect and even willing to be a little alternative and unpleasant are the best ways to eradicate your social fears.