Set proper boundaries, it’s good for everyone
You may think that it is a good thing to be unclear with others, so that everyone can get along as they please. This may sound reasonable, but its downside is that others often hurt your feelings without you knowing it.
It is not difficult to find that people with poor boundary skills are prone to suffer from morbid phobia. They will not confront the person who hurts themselves, and are more willing to talk to a third party.
Clear boundaries are good for everyone. You must understand what others can and cannot do to you?
When someone violates your psychological boundaries, tell him so that he can be corrected.
If you can’t always draw the psychological boundaries, then you need to improve your cognitive level.
Calm yourself down when you are about to lose your mind
Americans once jokingly said: When encountering things, sensible children let blood enter the brain and can think about problems intelligently; savage children let blood enter the limbs, the brain is empty, and crazy impulsive.
Scientific experiments have proved that when we become excessively stressed under pressure, blood does leave the cerebral cortex, so we will behave abnormally.
At this time, the nature of animals in the brain plays a leading role, making us act like the most primitive animals. You know, in a civilized society, acting like a primitive animal can cause big troubles.
You can choose the following methods to calm your mood:
1. Take a deep breath until you calm down
Inhale slowly and deeply to fill your lungs. Put one hand on your abdomen and make sure you breathe correctly.
2. Talk to yourself
For example, say to yourself: “I am calming down.” Or say: “Everything will pass.”
3. Some people use hydrotherapy
Taking a hot tub bath may make your anger and anxiety disappear with the foam in the bath.
4. Thinking of unpleasant things
You can also try the American psychologist Donald Aiden’s method: thinking about unpleasant things, at the same time put your fingertips on your forehead above your eyebrows, press your thumbs against your temples, and inhale deeply.
According to Aiden, in just a few minutes, the blood will return to the cerebral cortex and you can think more calmly.
When you want to complain, ask yourself two questions first
“Do I want to continue to endure this seemingly unchangeable situation, or change it?”
Complaining consumes our energy without any results, is useless to the problem, and rarely makes us feel better.
Almost everyone finds that we feel better if we confide in grievances to a sympathetic third party and he will get angry with him.
But if you don’t complain, you will feel tremendous psychological pressure.
Therefore, when you are ready to complain to a friend who sympathizes with you, ask yourself: Do I want to reduce the pressure and maintain the status quo, or do I want to let the pressure continue to prompt me to change all of this?
Clean up everything that wastes energy
What is the power that is not conducive to improving our emotional intelligence? The answer is everything that wastes energy.
We usually don’t pay attention to the subtle consumption of energy, such as getting along with a negative person, looking for keys all over the house before going out, and so on.
What are the things in your life that consume energy slowly? Maybe there is a small piece of carpet piled up in the corner of your house. Every time you see it, you think that someone might trip over it. This is not a big deal, but it is enough to distract you.
It’s the same with friends, some friends will only constantly suck your energy. At this time, there are two choices: one is to face the problem squarely, establish psychological boundaries and continue to interact with them cautiously; the other is to reduce the interaction with such people.
Indeed, we need to get rid of things that are slowly wasting energy and free ourselves to concentrate on improving our emotional intelligence.
The following methods may help you:
1. List the things that consume your energy.
2. Analyze the list and divide it into two parts:
A. Can make a difference;
3. Solve the problems in the A list one by one. For example, hang the key on a fixed hook, so you don’t have to look around.
4. Look at the questions in Form B again. Are you sure? Is it possible to move some of them to order A to solve them?
5. Give up the question in the B list.
Find a role model in life
Is there such a similar outstanding person by your side? TA is energetic, generous, smart, and interesting. He has a happy family, a wide range of hobbies, and a fulfilling life.
Then, take him as your role model! You can think: I can do what TA can do, but our styles are very different. I can’t accomplish what TA does in the same way. But I will imitate some things that TA does and do it my way.
I believe that you can always see the potential that you have never realized from the TA.
Learn from people who are difficult to get along with
There may be many people in life who we dislike, and how we wish these people to disappear from our lives. Why not circle these people, buy a plane ticket, and send it to a small island, where they will never disturb others again…
However, it is best not to do this, these difficult people are our helpers to improve EQ!
You can learn silence from talkative people, patience from grumpy people, kindness from wicked people, and you don’t have to be grateful to these teachers.
The most effective way to deal with difficult people: flexibility.
That is to say, find their way, in the process of interacting with them, try to use the same way as flexibly as possible.
Try another completely different way from time to time
Are you a cheerful and outgoing person or an introvert person who only likes to be alone or with a few close friends?
If you are keen to be the central person in the party, change it this time, and try to make those who are usually inconspicuous get out of the limelight. If you are always passively waiting for others to strike up a conversation with you, you might as well take the initiative to ask them hello.