Scientific research has found that the person that people like first is themselves, and the person who likes them second is the person who likes them.
People like to stay with people who are similar to themselves, how about how to gather things together and divide people into groups?
So when we want to be close to each other and establish a kind relationship with each other, we need to make him feel that we are the same as him.
The fastest way to make the other person feel that we are similar to him is to try to observe his behavior and imitate his behavior.
For example, which angle of his head is tilted, how he puts his arms, and then we do the same posture as him. If he moves a certain part of his body, we also move the same part of his body.
By imitating the behavior of the other party, it will make the other party feel that we understand him, understand him, and he is the same kind of person, so we can have a better relationship with each other.
Communication masters will use these simple methods to make themselves familiar with strangers instantly and achieve their own communication purposes.
Some people surveyed found that only by cooperating with the other party’s speech speed, the company’s performance can be improved by 30%, and saying a few less can make others accept what they originally opposed.
Imitation is so effective, but how to imitate so that others don’t think we are learning from him and our behavior is weird?
The famous Swedish mind-reading master, communicator, motivational lecturer, and orator Henrik Fexas has a clear description in his book “Mind-Reading”. Today I will share with you three mimicry secrets from mind reading masters.
Matching means that we move the body parts corresponding to the other party, for example, if he swings his right arm, we also wave his right arm.
This applies when we are very close to each other,
2. Look in the mirror
Looking in the mirror means that we move the body part opposite to the other person. For example, he waved his left arm and we waved his right arm, as if we were the image of the other person in the mirror when he looked in the mirror.
This applies to when we are sitting or standing face to face with each other.
These are the two easier methods, but when we start to imitate each other frequently, it is a bit too weird, especially when the other party discovers that when we imitate him, others may feel strange.
If you want to imitate but don’t want to be discovered by the other party, a very important method is to imitate slowly and naturally. At the beginning, we can make some subtle changes, and then gradually increase the degree of change.
If we make each other feel excited, the more we can imitate each other’s body language boldly. After the goodwill relationship is established, we also need to do the same.
Or at first we can use approximate postures, that is, we imitate the other party only a little bit. As long as we coordinate with the other party’s body language, we can make our behaviors become more relaxed.
For example, if he crosses his arms, we can put our right hand on the left wrist. What we do is the same as what the other party does, but on a smaller scale. In this way, we can avoid arousing the other’s alertness and suspicion. What are we going to do.
Another effective way to imitate the other party is to delay our actions. After the other party makes an action, we should not immediately follow it. We wait 20 or 30 seconds before imitating. As long as we coordinate with the other party, the other party’s unconsciousness will be unconscious. It will catch the signal we send and think that we have the same behavior pattern as him, and then come to the conclusion that we are very similar.
3. Mimic facial expressions.
A person’s facial expression is a mirror of his own inner feelings. If he can see the corresponding expression on our face, he will think that we have the same feelings as him, which will produce a very intimate connection. Because the other party can’t see his own expression, it is impossible for the other party to find others imitating their own facial expressions, and it is easy to have a kind of cordial feeling.
When imitating facial expressions, the expression we want to imitate should be a specific expression, not the natural expression of others.
Some people may look serious or a little angry even when they are relaxing. This is caused by their facial structure, and what we want to imitate is the expression of this person’s psychological feelings.
For example, if he is happy now, we have to distinguish his daily expression from the expression that expresses his true feelings, and we also have to make sure that we imitate each other’s expressions at the same speed and at the same rhythm. This is especially important for all interactive gestures.
For example, shaking hands, we are facing a slow-paced person, then we have to shake hands slowly and respond slowly to his gestures. If the other person’s speech speed is too fast and looks a bit agitated and nervous, then we too Should speed up the rhythm of the handshake and other rhythmic gestures, for example, nodding should also pay attention to the adjustment in line with the opponent’s rhythm.
Should we imitate if we find that the other party is obviously displeased and rejected?
Psychologists have different opinions on this issue. Henrik Fexas’s suggestion is to try not to imitate those body language, and can do something better than imitating the other’s closed body language to create a friendly relationship.
For example, if he crosses his arms and hugs his chest, we can spread our hands, hang our arms down, and open our palms forward. This is an open and accepting posture, which can make the other person feel that we are honest and willing. Attitude to solve the problem.
However, if the other person’s body language is not a meaning that really rejects people and thousands of miles away, then we might as well imitate the same gestures and movements as the other person.
The benefits of imitating each other?
The reason why we imitate each other’s language is to lead the other person into the psychological state we want, because once we are in a good relationship, we tend to cooperate with each other and always intentionally or unconsciously avoid destroying the good relationship.
Another advantage of imitation is that it can help our friends or lovers to change their negative emotions. This method is especially useful when our friends are in a depressed mood.
We use the mirror to reflect the emotions and body language of our friends. It can show that we understand his feelings. When we are sure that we have a friendly relationship with our friends, we can gradually make our body language more open and positive.
For example, when we start to straighten our back, relax our shoulders and start smiling, we are changing our body language, which will also lead the other party to unconsciously imitate our behavior.
In each step of the guidance, we must carefully observe whether our friends have participated in our own changes. When our friends are out of touch with us and fail to keep up with our guidance signals, we can take a step back and re-establish goodwill.
Guiding others when building a good relationship again is often a two-step process backwards. When we change the other’s body language to a certain extent, we have already changed the other’s emotions to a certain extent.
Although the imitation is good, please do not use it at will.
Imitation can change the emotions of others and bring us closer to each other. But we should not use it to someone who is in great pain. At this time, we need to immerse him in it for a period of time. Grief is a state that allows us to preserve energy and mentally digest the event that caused the grief.
If we practice the above practices for a person who is really experiencing grief, then the mental state that he needs to digest to move on will be closed. Therefore, in this case, our best way is to immerse the other person in A period of time in a grieving but necessary mental state, of course, is very practical for those who are inexplicably sad.