October 21, 2021

With boundaries, friendship can last longer

Do you always restrain yourself in the relationship? Even if you are offended sometimes, because of the relationship, you still choose to be patient and not tell your true thoughts.

What if I really get angry with her and get stiff?

It’s not a big deal either, it makes me stingy if I am serious.

Some people are always a little cautious in their relationships, and they get together like walking on thin ice.

01



Draw the boundary so that both parties are comfortable

Everyone’s bottom line or boundary is different. For matters that involve major principles, people who have a normal sense of boundary will respond the same; but on some small things, everyone’s feelings are different.

For example, the personal boundary is like a fence of unknown material, some hard, some soft, some brittle and some tough.

For example, some people pay attention to clean and tidy, but maybe you think it is hypocritical; some think it is a joke, but it is offensive to you. When the boundary is not clear, it is inevitable to test each other from collision and injury. At this time, the best way is to show your boundary and tell the other party “I mind you, don’t do this again.”

If your boundary is very concealed, and you do not instruct the other party to see it, when the other party crosses the boundary, it is you who feel uncomfortable and wronged.

Only when you point out the boundary will the other party consciously stop and reach a state where both parties are comfortable.

02



Bad relationship: one side violates, one side tolerates

Of course, not everyone has the courage to say “I mind” because they are worried that saying this sentence will not make both parties more comfortable, but alienate it. And this situation often occurs between these two kinds of people:

One is the “dirty” person who is extremely lack of boundary.

If the relationship lacking a sense of boundary is likened to a “mud pit”, this kind of people would rather tumbling and rolling in the “mud pit” and become dirty, rather than jumping out to restore a refreshing self, because they don’t understand boundaries, respect and Love.

When someone expresses “I mind” to them, they generally have two reactions:

One is turning a deaf ear-what to do to you or what to do to you, maybe it will get worse;

Second, turning your face is faster than turning a book-since you have so many “rules”, I might as well say goodbye to you.

The second is people who have a certain sense of borders, but often cannot hold them.



Such people have boundaries, and it is precisely because they have boundaries. When they face some uncomfortable communication styles, they will often passively give in and wrong themselves.

If they love themselves enough and have enough willingness to make themselves more comfortable, they will understand: When they say their mind, they are actively choosing the goodwill of others.

The word “active” is very important, because you have the right to choose, choose what you want, and choose what you want. When you are in an unequal passive position in a relationship, you can only swallow the bitter fruit of the relationship.

Of these two kinds of people, one of them keeps advancing and encroaching, while the other keeps retreating and forbearing, so a relationship gradually enters a vicious circle.

It is not that burning, killing, looting, and looting are evil, it is even more a hidden evil to invade others’ borders infinitely.

03

Say you mind, just don’t want to lose

Hidden evil can be avoided because human nature cannot stand scrutiny. When facing a dark person, you may be darker than him; facing a kind person, you may be more kind than him.

Therefore, if you want others to treat you well, you must first treat yourself well, know what is best for yourself, and then keep the boundaries of this model.

Of course, when you say “I really mind”, the relationship between you and the other person may have two results, one is interruption, and the other is getting closer.

If you mind someone who is in the “dirty” mode and interrupt your relationship, it might be a good thing for you. A truly intimate relationship will not crack because of a single mind.

Most people have a certain sense of boundary. When facing such a person, when you feel offended, you must be brave or learn to bravely say “I mind” to him, because this is a sincere, this Sincerity just shows that you don’t want to lose him.

Sometimes, you might as well say how you really feel:

When you say that to me, I really feel a little uncomfortable…

You call my nickname and remind me of unhappy memories…

Don’t say that anymore, it will make me feel that you don’t care about me, but I care about you very much…

Compared with the other side, he or veiled advice, the true feeling evokes the other’s tenderness. If the other person also cares about you, your relationship will only be closer.

If the other party doesn’t care about you that much and thinks that your mind is hypocritical and fussy, then no matter how much you want to maintain the relationship, you will not get what you want, so it’s no pity to give up.

So, boldly saying that you mind will do no harm to you and your relationship with others. In this way, let the good side of others spread to oneself, and the evil side will go away with the wind.