October 21, 2021

Children’s progress, 20% depends on IQ, 80% depends on eq

Emotional intelligence is not something profound or mysterious. To put it simply, it is a person’s ability to adjust his mental state and communicate with others. All the good qualities that a child needs for healthy growth, such as independence, kindness, compassion, hard work, etc., are actually emotional intelligence.

In the growth of children, IQ only plays a role of about 20%, and the remaining 80% is determined by emotional intelligence. And by comparison, a large part of IQ is determined by genes, and the acquired “potential for appreciation” is average; while emotional intelligence is basically built up by acquired cultivation.

The eight most important emotional quotients in children’s growth:

1. Independence

Independence includes independent consciousness and independent behavior, that is to say:



1. Children should be able to think about some problems independently and make their own decisions;

2. Children can take care of their own housework and take care of their own lives.

Independence is a necessary psychological quality for children to survive and develop in a new environment.

2. Empathy

Empathy can be simply understood as “empathy.” In interpersonal communication, “empathy” plays an extremely important role.

Why are some children popular with classmates, while others are judged by classmates as “selfish” and “unsocial”? It is because some children have no empathy and never consider problems from the standpoint of others. Never experience the feelings of others;

The cultivation of children’s empathy is a gradual process. Moms can try this method: Whenever you think your child is a bit “selfish”, first stabilize the conversation atmosphere and let the child speak his thoughts freely, and then you squat down. Speak your thoughts seriously and calmly, and finally let the child respond to your thoughts: “After listening to your mother, what do you think should be done next?”



3. Self-confidence

Self-confidence consists of two parts: external identity and self-fulfillment, both of which are indispensable.

The child has done something very proud, but when the parents and teachers deny it, the child will definitely not have confidence; sometimes although the child receives encouragement from the parent and teacher, he doubts his own ability or dislikes it. Things, then children will not have confidence.

Therefore, the building of children’s self-confidence should start from two aspects:

1. Communicate with the child more and understand the child’s strengths and interests so that he can be encouraged in a timely and appropriate manner;

2. Pay attention to the way you communicate with your children, be more tolerant and understand, and don’t easily deny your children.

4. Responsibility

Responsibility is a child’s correct understanding of the norms and obligations that he should abide by.



A child who has no sense of responsibility is accustomed to being self-centered and unable to get along with his peers, so there is no stable interpersonal relationship. It is precisely because of no sense of responsibility that the child often lacks the necessary motivation to struggle.

The cultivation of children’s sense of responsibility is generally carried out from two aspects: one is to let children learn to be responsible for their actions and for their mistakes; the other is to be responsible for their own commitments.

For example: cleaning one’s own room is considered responsible for oneself; originally promised mother only eat ice cream once a week, she must fulfill her promise, which is considered to be responsible for her promise.

5. Self-discipline

Self-discipline is the ability to resist external temptations and self-restraint.

A child who is not self-disciplined has no idea about what he should and shouldn’t do. He often wastes a lot of time on some entertainment and pastimes, and easily achieves nothing. The improvement of children’s self-discipline ability is not effective simply by reminding and reprimanding. It must be combined with the three aspects of “reasonable goals, sense of accomplishment, and interest.”

Only when there is a goal that is relatively easy to achieve, the child feels rushing; only after a little bit of sweetness is tasted in the learning process, can the interest in further efforts be stimulated; when the child works hard for his own interests, the anti-interference ability is also enhanced.

6. Frustration resistance

The ability to resist frustration can also be regarded as a self-protection ability, which can prevent children from experiencing abnormal mental and physical reactions when they experience failure.

Children with poor frustration ability often cry because they fail to get a good grade in one test, and even feel depressed for several days; children with poor frustration ability at work often complain about others, like to complain, and are keen to spread “negative energy” .

To improve the child’s ability to resist frustration, on the one hand, parents should give their children some opportunities for tempering in their lives and let them face some pressure; on the other hand, they should not overemphasize the concept of “success” to their children, so as not to put too much pressure on their children.

7. Time management ability

Time management ability means efficiency. It is a basic skill for study and work, as well as a basic skill for life.

Perhaps the best expression of this ability is homework. In the same class, with the same homework, some children always have to write until midnight. In the end, the children are too tired, and the parents complain that the teacher assigns too many homework.

Time management skills need to be cultivated slowly. At the beginning, you can use the “countdown” method to make children aware of the concept of time in small things, such as planning with the child to wash the feet for a few minutes, take a bath for a few minutes, and wake up. A few minutes, and then slowly transition to learning, such as completing a question for about a few minutes.

8. Emotion management ability

Emotion management focuses more on the ability to deal with negative emotions. What kind of personality the child will eventually form, what kind of interpersonal relationship, and the strength of social adaptability are all related to this.

Children with poor emotional control often show up in kindergarten and elementary school as loud crying regardless of occasion, excessive dependence on their parents, and many conflicts with children. After junior high school, children whose emotional management ability is still low have more serious problems. Their rebelliousness towards parents and teachers is much stronger than normal children.

Therefore, when a child is young, he must not be allowed to develop the habit of “achieving goals by crying and losing his temper”; when a child is in emotion, teach him to tell him the reason for his anger and anger, rather than by swearing, Hit people to vent.