We can’t book IQ, but we can improve EQ. An outstanding person may not have high IQ, but it must have high EQ. There are actually simple and easy ways to improve EQ, all you need is persistence.
1. Learn to draw proper psychological boundaries, which is good for everyone.
You may think that it is a good thing to have unclear boundaries with others, so that everyone can get along as they please, and there is no need to bargain fiercely with each other. This may sound reasonable, but its disadvantage is that others often hurt your feelings without you knowing it.
In fact, if you carefully observe your surroundings, it is not difficult to find that people with poor boundary skills are prone to morbid phobias. They will not confront the offenders, and are more willing to talk to third parties. If we are the ones who violated the psychological boundaries of others, after discovering the truth, we will feel like a cold-blooded fool. At the same time, we will feel hurt, because we blame ourselves for our own faults, but also feel indignant when a third party gets involved in making comments on us.
Clear boundaries are good for everyone. You must understand what others can and cannot do to you. When someone violates your psychological limits, tell him so that he can be corrected. If you can’t always draw the psychological boundaries, then you need to improve your cognitive level.
2. Find a method that suits you, calm yourself down when you feel that you are about to lose your mind, so that the blood stays in the brain and makes rational actions.
Americans once jokingly said: When encountering things, sensible children let blood enter the brain and can think about problems intelligently; savage children let blood enter the limbs, the brain is empty, and crazy impulsive.
Yes, when the blood is full of the brain, you are clear-headed and behave properly. On the contrary, when the blood flows to your limbs and tongue, you will do stupid things, be impulsive and irritable.
In fact, scientific experiments have proved that when we become excessively stressed under pressure, blood does leave the cerebral cortex, and we will behave abnormally. At this time, the nature of the animal in the brain plays a leading role, making us act like the most primitive animals. You know, in a civilized society, acting like a primitive animal can cause big trouble.
There are many strategies to control emotional outbursts, one of which is to pay attention to your heart rhythm, which is an accurate measure of emotions. When your heartbeat is faster than 100 beats per minute, it is important to clean up your emotions. At this rate, the body secretes much more adrenaline than usual. We will lose our minds and become combative crickets.
When the blood starts to flow to the limbs again, you can use the following methods to calm your mood:
1. Take a deep breath until you calm down. Inhale slowly and deeply to fill your lungs. Put one hand on your abdomen and make sure your breathing method is correct.
2. Talk to yourself. For example, say to yourself: “I am calming down.” Or say: “Everything will pass.”
3. Some people use hydrotherapy. Taking a hot tub bath may make your anger and anxiety disappear with the foam in the bath.
4. You can also try the method of the American psychologist Donald Aiden: thinking of unpleasant things, at the same time put your fingertips on your forehead above your eyebrows, press your thumbs against your temples, and inhale deeply. According to Aiden, in just a few minutes, the blood will return to the cerebral cortex and you can think more calmly.
3. When you want to complain, stop and ask yourself: “Do I want to continue to endure this seemingly unchangeable situation, or do I want to change it?”
For endless complaints, we call it nagging. Complaining can be exhausting without any results, is useless to the problem, and rarely makes us feel better.
Almost everyone finds that if we confide in grievances to a sympathetic third party, and he will get angry with him, we will feel better. Someone says to you: “Poor baby.” This is a great comfort to you. Your pressure seems to be relieved, so you can face the original situation again, although nothing has changed.
But if you don’t complain, you will feel tremendous psychological pressure. Stress is sometimes not a bad thing. Yes, it may make you feel uncomfortable, but it is also a force for change. Once the pressure is relieved, one can easily maintain the status quo. However, if the pressure is not lost in the complaint, it will build up and reach a limit, forcing you to take action to change the status quo.
Therefore, when you are ready to complain to a friend who sympathizes with you, ask yourself: Do I want to reduce the pressure and maintain the status quo, or do I want to continue the pressure to prompt me to change all of this? If it is the former, then let the pressure be reduced by complaining. Go away. Everyone has a time to complain, it will make us feel better temporarily. But if the situation really needs to change, make up your mind and take action!
4. Eliminate all waste of energy.
What is the power that is not conducive to improving our emotional intelligence? The answer is everything that wastes energy.
Many people’s nervous systems have thick calluses like father’s hands. We are used to being unaware of the consumption of energy. Energy is subtle, but you can also experience obvious changes. For example, when you hear good news, your adrenaline will surge, and when you hear bad news, you will feel exhausted. We usually don’t pay attention to the subtle consumption of energy, such as getting along with a negative person, looking for a piece of paper on the table, etc.
What are the things that slowly drain energy in your life? There is a small piece of carpet piled up in the corner of my house. Every time I see it, I think that someone might trip over it. This is not a big deal, but it distracts me. This is how we define distracting things-every time we touch, we feel distracted. Sometimes it’s the same with friends-drawing and giving energy to each other-but some are energy vampires, and they will only draw your energy. At this time, there are two choices: one is to face the problem squarely, establish psychological boundaries and continue to interact with them cautiously; the other is to reduce the interaction with such people.
Indeed, we need to get rid of things that are slowly wasting energy and get free to concentrate on improving our emotional intelligence.
Want to accelerate-you can choose to reduce resistance or increase driving force.
Try the methods we provide:
1. Always list things that consume your energy.
2. Analyze the list systematically and divide it into two parts:
A. It can make a difference.
3. Solve the problems in the A list one by one. For example, for me, hang the car key on a fixed hook so that I don’t have to look around.
4. Look at the problems in Form B again. Are you sure? Is it possible to move some of them to Form A to solve them?
5. Give up the problem in the B list.
5. Find a living example in life.
We have all experienced the age of learning by example, and those examples are noble and distant to us. So our enthusiasm for example is gradually extinguished in the distance from the example, because we know that we may not be a great hero in our life.
Yes, you can’t be a great hero, but you can be a happy ordinary person, such as your friend Danning, who is energetic, young, generous, smart and funny. She runs a gynecology clinic, works as a company consultant, writes regular column articles for a city, and has a handsome husband and a lovely daughter.
Do you have such a great person by your side, take him as your role model! You can think: I can do what she can, but our style is very different, I can not accomplish what she did in her way. But I will imitate some of her things and do it my way. From her you can always see your own potential that you have never noticed.
Find your role model among the people around you! They are smarter than you, better educated, higher level, and more persevering than you. You will naturally increase your emotional intelligence as you chase them.
6. Be a parent.
Being a parent will teach you a lot. When the child screams “Why don’t you buy it for me? I hate you!”, you can’t despair, you can’t get angry, you need to understand him and accept the extremely resentful reality. You know, this is the best gift a child can give you. Of course, this hatred should not last.
Raising children is a win-win outcome. In the process of raising children, children learn how to get along with young parents who are not yet mature. As parents, we have smoothed out the edges and corners in the process of restraining our needs to meet the needs of children. Raising children will automatically improve our emotional intelligence and make us more qualified parents.
If you don’t want to have children, you might as well try to look after children for your friends. Getting along with children can really improve our EQ.
7. Learn from difficult people.
There are a lot of grumbling, domineering and daring people around us. How we hope these people disappear from life, because they make people angry and desperate, or even go crazy. Why can’t these people be circled, bought a plane ticket, and sent to a small island, where they never
Will disturb others. However, it’s best not to do this. These difficult people are our helpers to improve our emotional intelligence. You can learn silence from talkative people, patience from grumpy people, kindness from wicked people, and you don’t have to be grateful to these teachers.
Moreover, the “difficult person” you define may eventually prove to be just a different person from you, and for the so-called difficult person, you are also a difficult person.
The most effective way to deal with difficult people is to be flexible. In other words, the way of discovering them, in the process of interacting with them, try to be as flexible as possible to adopt the same way. If this person likes to chat first and then discuss business matters, your response should be to relax and talk about family affairs. On the other hand, if this person is straightforward, you should also talk less and go straight to the subject. In this way, you will be more efficient when dealing with difficult people, and you will find that these people are not so difficult to get along with.
The second point of dealing with difficult people is to treat them as gifts. Judy married a domineering man. Married life is full of ups and downs for her, because she has no clear boundaries. Years after the breakup, she learned to thank him because he taught her the importance of establishing and maintaining boundaries. Now when she meets such a man again, she doesn’t care at all. Judy said: “When you live with him, you won’t pay attention to these guys at all.” If she was married to an easy-going person, she might not have clear boundaries until now, and it will be difficult. Deal with those difficult guys.
However, if there is a choice, perhaps we will never choose someone who is difficult to get along with.
8. Try another completely different way from time to time, you will broaden your horizons and improve your emotional intelligence.
Are you a cheerful and outgoing person or an introvert who only likes to be alone or with a few close friends? Do you like to plan every day in advance to know what to do, or do you have no plan? Everyone All have their own preferences, if they can choose, everyone will choose their own preference. However, suddenly routine, trying the opposite action will be more helpful to our growth.
If you are always keen to be the center of the party, change it this time and try to make those who are usually inconspicuous get out of the limelight. If you are always passively waiting for others to strike up a conversation with you, you might as well take the initiative to ask them hello.