June 20, 2021

Social phobia, related to your native family

01

Do you have social phobia?

People with social phobia generally show that they don’t dare to contact others, and every action of others will “alarm” you.

02

Social phobia, also known as “social anxiety disorder”, is a symptom of intense fear or anxiety in any social or public situation. People with social phobia are always in an anxious state. They are afraid of making mistakes in front of others and afraid of being observed by others. . In social phobia, there is a symptom called “fear of sight”, which mainly refers to the fact that the patient cannot face the other person when meeting with others, and it is very embarrassing when his or her eyes meet the other’s eyes, so that the eyes do not know where to look. There are many reasons for this, among which the influence of the original family is an important factor.



Parental rearing style, family structure, sibling situation will all play a role in the occurrence and development of social fear.

There are several types of family education, but from the perspective of Mr. Zhang’s family, it should be a combination of authoritarian and punitive education. Now there is a kind of mother in society who is tough and capable in doing things at work. Successful, so they transfer this attitude towards work to their children, and demand their children to do their best. Once the children do not do well, they will be scolded by them. This strong emotion seriously affects the children’s Mental health.

Psychology shows that the status of mothers in family education is unreplaceable. The words and deeds of mothers play a very important and direct role in the formation of their children’s way of thinking and behavior. Many mothers regard training their children as self-realization. Way, so I impose something in my heart on the child, so that too much restraint will make the child gradually lose himself.

In addition, a large part of the child’s growth motivation comes from the child’s affirmation of himself, but in the process of growth, due to some important others in life, such as parents, the teacher often frustrates him, and the child will eventually internalize others. Negative evaluations of him will also think that he is unlovable, stupid, and incompetent. Gradually, his heart will lose strength and become very inferior. Mr. Zhang’s mother often said that he can’t do this or that. In fact, he is gradually weakening his self-confidence.

In a family, if the mother is too strong, the child will ignore and suppress many reasonable needs in his heart, to cater to and please the mother, and strive to be a “good child” in the eyes of the mother. Children will pay too much attention to their mother’s emotions and develop a habit of observing their appearance. When they grow up, they will become overly sensitive to interpersonal relationships, just like Mr. Zhang above.

When Mr. Zhang’s mother discovered that the child did not meet her inner expectations as she grew up, she adopted simple and negative educational methods such as criticism, beating and scolding. In fact, we saw that her mother loves children very much, and she wants to help them. Growing up, but the way of expressing love is worth exploring. We say that violence only creates violence. If Mr. Zhang encounters similar problems in the process of growing up, he will also imitate his mother’s way of solving problems invisibly, because he knows his mother used to That’s how to educate him and solve the problem.

Psychology shows that a person’s current interpersonal relationship pattern is often a repetition of the relationship pattern between him and his parents in his early life, either intentionally or unintentionally. Generally in a family with a strong mother, the role of the father is often very embarrassing. The father is in the home, but he lacks a position. The absence of the role of the father is a very dangerous signal during the growth of the child, especially for For the boy, because if he can’t identify with the role of father and man, he will have difficulties in identification when he grows up when dealing with similar authority figures.



03

In view of the serious problems of Mr. Zhang, it is the right approach to receive psychological counseling and treatment in time. However, after covering up and reflecting, we have to lament that there are no few problems similar to Mr. Zhang’s family. Sometimes our parents often think that it is the problem of children. This has led to the emergence of problems. In fact, “a problematic child often has a problematic family”. Because children’s problems are often the result of long-term bad interactions in the family relationship model, parents may need to pay attention to the following aspects:

1. There must be an awareness of attaching importance to the healthy development of children’s psychology.

2. Family education should develop towards “democratic” as far as possible. It is necessary to understand the principle of “family shaping people”, respect and accept children unconditionally, and allow and encourage children to express their feelings and ideas. If something does not meet the expectations of mainstream culture, Parents do not have to support, but they must express their understanding within the delineated range.

3. Parents should be aware of what you need in your heart and what is needed in your child’s heart. Are the two confused?

4. Parents should pay attention to setting the “psychological boundary” with their children. If the parents and children are too entangled, the children’s footsteps and the parents’ footsteps will often trip together, or even fall.

5. Parents need to cultivate a tolerant and flexible character. Children grow up. We can’t keep the eyes of children unchanged. In the way of education, we should encourage children as much as possible, so that the children’s inner strength will grow. Over time, he will Become cheerful and confident.

Sixth, help children grow up and grow up with them, not for children.



7. When educating children, “love” should go first. If parents like to say: “No matter what you are, as long as you live healthy and happy, we feel very satisfied.” Children will unconsciously want their parents to be satisfied. There will be things that are all right and happy, and everything is willing to think better. So to treat children is “a good relationship is better than a good education.”