The so-called “skin” is just a popular image of human self-esteem. Psychology believes that everyone has self-esteem, and human dignity cannot be offended. Self-esteem and spiritual needs are the core of personality. In a certain sense, maintaining self-esteem is a human possibility and nature. In real life, the strength of self-esteem varies from person to person. Some people have very strong self-esteem, take face above all else, have a thin face, and are overly sensitive to the attitudes and behaviors of others; as long as they are a little offensive, even if it is a joke, they can’t stand it. They often lose their minds or become angry. , To fight back, or go away, and get revenge. It is difficult for such a person to achieve success in communication, and the result can only be more and more fragile psychological endurance.
On the contrary, some people have too thick-skinned faces. In order to satisfy their own self-interest, they are brazen and will not hesitate to sell their personal dignity. Even if they are humiliated, their faces will not change color and become insensitive. This kind of person may be successful for a while in the communication process, but in the end they will be cast aside. These two tendencies, which are manifested in self-esteem, are biased, which is not conducive to the establishment of a good image of oneself.
But for young people, thin-skinned faces may be the main problem, which is the main psychological obstacle that affects them to open up the social circle. When you first get involved in world affairs, you will inevitably encounter many new problems that you have never encountered before. Faced with complex situations, it is difficult to gain a foothold in society if your self-esteem lacks a certain degree of tolerance.
From this point of view, if you have no self-esteem in dealing with things, if you have a thick skin, it will not work; conversely, if you have too much self-esteem and a thin skin, it is not good. The correct principle is: starting from the needs of communication, let self-esteem maintain a certain degree of flexibility, be thick and thick, and thin and thin, and grasp this “degree” of self-esteem.
Practice has proved that to grasp the flexibility of self-esteem, two efforts are needed.
The first is to understand the relationship between the need for self-esteem and the need for communication. Most people who have too much self-esteem always take self-esteem very seriously and put it in an inappropriate position. Therefore, we should change the standpoint of looking at problems, not just thinking about our own face, but also seeing more important things, such as career, work, friendship, etc. If we think more about this in an accident, the face will find its right place. In addition, we should insist on the purpose of realizing communication above self-esteem, and let self-esteem obey the needs of communication. With this kind of thinking, you have self-control over your self-esteem. Even if you are stimulated, you will not blush and your heartbeat. You can even smile without worrying, and still deal with your opponents, showing a posture that you can’t stop. If we understand the relationship between self-esteem and communication goals, we will become more sensible, and we will be able to move around in the communication field with ease.
Second, in the process of communication, it is necessary to assess the situation, accurately grasp the flexibility of self-esteem, and pursue the best results. You should pay special attention to these situations:
1. When you get cold reception. Sometimes, when you appear on the social field, you may be treated as an uninvited guest. After sitting on the cold bench, your self-esteem is facing challenges, but don’t let it happen. At this time, you might as well think more about your mission and responsibilities, and in order to complete the task, quickly increase your self-esteem.
In fact, it is common to give cold reception among strangers. If you are too sensitive and care about others, communication will probably not succeed. You can assume that the other party’s cold reception was not deliberate, and you don’t have to care about it. Your psychology will not be too inclined. Only when you can wipe your face and continue to deal with your opponent, the result will be very different. For example, a township factory was on the verge of closing down. In order to find a way, many people were sent to the factory to collect debts. A young female worker found a factory to see the director, but the director saw too many people and was annoyed, so she said with a straight face, “The director is not here, we are going to the meeting.” She said, “I’ll wait.” It’s useless to wait, you go.” After speaking, she drove her out of the door. The young woman was embarrassed and her self-esteem was undoubtedly challenged. She blushed, but did not leave in anger, but waited outside the door. When the director went to work in the afternoon, he was a little touched to see that she hadn’t left, and said, “I’m sorry, I am the director. I have never seen you so patient. I will handle your affairs for you.” Imagine if she The skin is too thin, and when he walks away in a huff, there is no such ideal ending.
2. When you are denied. Sometimes, I spent a lot of effort doing something that I thought was very good, hoping that others would give affirmation and appreciation, but unexpectedly, the other party hit it with a stick and totally denied it. At this time, your self-esteem will definitely be strongly stimulated, and there will be a serious imbalance, and then in order to save face, you will argue, refute, and even argue. But this is a big mistake. It is difficult to maintain self-esteem and face in this way, which will only make things worse. It is better to accept this fact with a shame, and the effect may be better.
A young man who was new to writing took half a year to write a novel. He entered the editorial department confidently. An editor shook his head and said in front of many people, “What are you writing? Even the sentence doesn’t make sense, it’s like a novel!…” He was flushed with words, and wanted to respond: “Did you read it carefully?” But he held back, and said in an inquiring tone: “I am the first time. Write, and hope that the teacher will give corrections.” After returning from the editorial department, he did not get discouraged. Instead, he worked harder. After he finished writing, he went to the editor cheeky. He really didn’t know each other. This time the editor’s attitude has changed and some changes have been made. opinion. After the novel was published, he and the editor also made friends.
3. When you are criticized. Some people are afraid of criticism. As soon as they hear criticism, their self-esteem can’t stand it. Especially the increasing public criticism is even more embarrassing. At this time, you must be able to understand the criticism correctly. Don’t treat the criticism as someone else deliberately correcting yourself, but as it is for your own good, adopt an attitude of recognition, such as saying: “You are right to criticize, I will pay attention to this in the future.” I didn’t handle the matter properly, I’m sorry, I will correct it right away.” Such an attitude will not lose face, but will change the other person’s opinion and leave a good impression on him.
Sometimes, the content of the criticism is false and biased, and the critics are in a special position. At this time, if you are driven by your self-esteem and fight back on the spot, the effect will definitely be bad. Be sensible, don’t refute it on the spot, and explain it later. This is more advantageous.
4. When you are humiliated. Sometimes, the other party may treat you with rude behavior for certain needs. This is also hurting self-esteem. In the face of humiliation, you need to be patient and restrained, and your face should not be too thin. For example, there is a girl who is lively and beautiful. Become the object of many young people’s pursuit, and those who can’t eat grapes let it out and say that she has style problems. Her dignity was hurt, she felt ashamed to see others, and once thought of committing suicide. Later, she realized that it would be more difficult to cleanse herself, so she looked down on her face a little bit, did her own way and continued to work, but the rumors were self-defeating. .
Finally, I must point out that it is better to have a thicker skin. It is not about personal dignity, but to grasp the appropriate degree.Of course, in order to maintain dignity on some specific problems and specific occasions, we must fight tit-for-tat. The self-esteem that you strive to maintain is actually to maintain your vanity, which is an unhealthy mentality. Therefore, we must analyze our self-esteem and maintain true positive self-esteem, not false negative self-esteem. In this way, when we appear in the social field, we can properly grasp the flexibility of self-esteem and become a strong communicator.