October 07, 2022

Do you think you have high emotional intelligence? 8 ways to improve emotional intelligence

It is said that the winner is 80% EQ +20% IQ, and the loser is 20% EQ +20% IQ. It may be a bit exaggerated, but I do see the failure of many smart people. EQ is indeed very important, but there are not many good articles about EQ, but the article below is very touching and worth recommending to everyone.

The so-called emotional intelligence refers to a person’s comprehensive quality.

High EQ-high comprehensive quality;

Low emotional intelligence — low overall quality.

The foundation of EQ comes from the basic “cell” of society-the family. The family “forges” a person’s basic emotional intelligence level. Emotional intelligence can be improved through “acquired” learning and self-awareness.


What is EQ?

EQ, also known as emotional intelligence, is a concept corresponding to intelligence and IQ proposed by psychologists in recent years. It mainly refers to the qualities of a person in terms of emotions, emotions, will, and tolerance to setbacks. In the past, it was believed that whether a person can achieve achievement in his life, the level of intelligence is the most important, that is, the higher the IQ, the greater the possibility of achievement. But now psychologists generally believe that the level of emotional intelligence also has a significant impact on a person’s success, and sometimes its effect even exceeds the level of intelligence. So, what exactly is emotional intelligence?

American psychologists believe that emotional intelligence includes the following aspects: One is to recognize one’s own emotions. Because only by knowing yourself can you be the master of your own life. The second is to manage your emotions properly. That is, you can control yourself; the third is self-motivation, which can make people get out of the low ebb in life and start again. The fourth is to recognize the emotions of others. This is the basis for normal communication with others and smooth communication; the fifth is the management of interpersonal relationships. That is leadership and management capabilities.

The level of EQ is not as accurate as the level of intelligence expressed by test scores, it can only be judged based on the individual’s comprehensive performance. Psychologists also believe that people with high levels of emotional intelligence have the following characteristics: strong social skills, outgoing and happy, not easy to fall into fear or sadness, more investment in career, integrity, compassion, and rich emotional life but not Exceeding the moment, whether it is alone or with many people, you can feel comfortable. Experts also believe that whether a person has a high EQ is closely related to the education and training of childhood. Therefore, the development of emotional intelligence should start from an early age.


Emotional intelligence is often destiny

Emotional intelligence is a kind of ability, emotional intelligence is a kind of creation, and emotional intelligence is a kind of skill. Since it is a technique, there are rules to follow, it can be mastered, and practice makes perfect. As long as we have more courage, more tact, more temper, more emotional investment, we will also create a relaxed environment that is conducive to our own survival, build a social circle of our own, and create a Space for better use of your talents.

In addition to IQ and EQ, it can also include: MQ (moral quotient), AQ (adversity quotient), MQ (mental quotient), DQ (daring quotient), FQ (fortune quotient), WQ (will quotient), SQ (spiritual quotient) ), HQ(health quotient)

The difference between IQ and EQ

IQ is a tool used to express the level of intelligence, and it is also a commonly used method to measure the level of intelligence. The level of IQ reflects the level of intelligence. EQ is the ability to recognize, control and regulate one’s own emotions. The level of emotional intelligence reflects the difference in emotional quality. EQ plays a more important role in human success than IQ. IQ and emotional quotient are both important psychological qualities of a person, and both are important foundations for career success. The relationship between them is an important theoretical question raised in the study of IQ and EQ. A correct understanding of the difference and connection between these two psychological qualities is conducive to better understanding of people themselves, conducive to overcoming the wrong tendency of intelligence first and only intelligence, and is conducive to cultivating healthier and better talents.

First of all, IQ and EQ reflect two different psychological qualities. IQ mainly reflects a person’s cognitive ability, thinking ability, language ability, observation ability, calculation ability, rhythm ability, etc. In other words, it mainly expresses human’s rational ability. It may be the function of the cerebral cortex, especially the left hemisphere brain, which is mainly responsible for abstract thinking and analytical thinking. Emotional intelligence mainly reflects a person’s ability to feel, understand, use, express, control and regulate one’s feelings, as well as the ability to deal with the emotional relationship between oneself and others. Emotional intelligence reflects the individual’s ability to grasp and deal with emotional problems. Emotions often go ahead of reason. It is irrational, and its material basis is mainly related to the brainstem system. The frontal lobe of the brain controls emotions.

Secondly, the formation basis of IQ and EQ is different. Although both EQ and IQ are related to genetic factors and environmental factors, their relationship with genetic and environmental factors is different. The relationship between IQ and genetic factors is far greater than social environmental factors. According to the British “Concise Encyclopedia Britannica·Intellectual Quotient” entry: “According to the survey results, about 70-80% of the differences in intelligence are due to genetic genes, and 20-30% of the differences in intelligence are caused by different environmental influences. The formation and development of emotional intelligence, innate factors also exist. For example, “The basic expressions of human beings are common to all human beings and have cross-cultural consistency.” A study by the American psychologist Aikman shows that New Guineans who have never been in contact with the outside world can correctly judge the pictures of other peoples. expression. However, there are big cultural differences in emotion. Folklore research shows that there are significant differences in the ways of expressing emotions among different nations. Child psychology research shows that due to the influence of the degree of socialization caused by the obstacles to social communication, the emotional ability of children with congenital blindness is relatively weak. Anthropological research shows that the emotions of primitive humans are very different from those of civilized people. They are irritable, moody, and have poor self-control. Some anthropological researchers in the United States believe that the emotional control ability of human beings in childhood is very weak. From today’s perspective, it looks like a collective mental illness. It can also be seen from the study of modern history that human emotions are easily affected by the social environment, and people always have a deep-rooted conformity mentality. The social sentiment in Germany during the Second World War fully illustrates this point.

Third, IQ and EQ play different roles. The main function of IQ is to understand things better. People with high IQs, with good quality of thinking, strong learning ability, and deep understanding, are easy to make outstanding achievements in a certain professional field and become an expert in a certain field. The survey shows that many people with high intelligence have become experts, scholars, professors, judges, lawyers, journalists, etc., and have high attainments in their fields. Emotional intelligence is mainly related to irrational factors, and it affects the motivation of cognitive and practical activities. It strengthens or weakens the driving force of understanding things by influencing people’s interest, will and perseverance. People with low IQ and high EQ may learn less efficiently than those with high IQ, but sometimes they can learn better and achieve greater achievements than those with high IQ. Because of the perseverance, diligence can make up for one’s weakness. In addition, emotional intelligence is an ability to grasp and regulate the emotions of oneself and others. Therefore, it has a greater relationship with the handling of interpersonal relationships. Its role is closely related to social life, interpersonal relationships, health status, and marital status. People with low EQ tend to have tense interpersonal relationships, their marriages are easily broken, and their leadership level is not high. People with higher emotional intelligence usually have healthier emotions, have a more complete marriage and family, and have good interpersonal relationships. They are easy to become leaders of a certain department and have higher leadership and management capabilities.


Eight ways to improve emotional intelligence

1. Learn to draw proper psychological boundaries, which is good for everyone.

You may think that it is a good thing to have unclear boundaries with others, so that everyone can get along as they please, and there is no need to bargain fiercely with each other. This may sound reasonable, but its disadvantage is that others often hurt your feelings without you knowing it.

In fact, if you carefully observe your surroundings, it is not difficult to find that people with poor boundary skills are prone to suffer from morbid phobia. They will not confront the offender, but are more willing to talk to a third party. If we were the ones who violated the psychological boundaries of others, after discovering the truth, we would feel like a cold-blooded fool. At the same time, we will feel hurt because we both blame ourselves for our own faults and feel indignant when a third party gets involved in making comments on us.

Clear boundaries are good for everyone. You must understand what others can and cannot do to you. When someone violates your psychological boundaries, tell him so that he can be corrected. If you can’t always draw the psychological boundaries, then you need to improve your cognitive level.

2. Find a method that suits you, calm yourself down when you feel that you are about to lose your mind, so that the blood stays in the brain and makes rational actions.

Americans once joked that when encountering things, sane children let blood enter the brain and can think about problems intelligently; savage children let blood enter the limbs, the brain is empty, and crazy impulsive.

Yes, when the blood is full of the brain, you are clear-headed and behave properly. On the contrary, when the blood flows to your limbs and tongue, you will do stupid things, be impulsive and irritable.

In fact, scientific experiments have proved that when we become excessively stressed under pressure, blood does leave the cerebral cortex, and we will behave abnormally. At this time, the nature of the animal in the brain plays a leading role, making us act like the most primitive animals. You know, in a civilized society, acting like a primitive animal can cause big trouble.

There are many strategies to control emotional outbursts, one of which is to pay attention to your heart rhythm, which is an accurate measure of emotions. When your heartbeat is faster than 100 beats per minute, it is important to clean up your emotions. At this rate, the body secretes much more adrenaline than usual. We will lose our minds and become combative crickets.

When the blood starts to flow to the limbs again, you can use the following methods to calm your mood:

1. Take a deep breath until you calm down. Inhale slowly and deeply to fill your lungs. Put one hand on your abdomen and make sure your breathing method is correct.

2. Talk to yourself. For example, say to yourself: “I’m calming down.” Or say: “Everything will pass.”

3. Some people use hydrotherapy. Taking a hot tub bath may make your anger and anxiety disappear with the foam in the bath.

4. You can also try the method of the American psychologist Donald Aiden: thinking about unpleasant things, at the same time put your fingertips on your forehead above your eyebrows, press your thumbs against your temples, and inhale deeply. According to Aiden, in just a few minutes, the blood will return to the cerebral cortex and you can think more calmly.

3. When you want to complain, stop and ask yourself: “Do I want to continue to endure this seemingly unchangeable situation, or do I want to change it?”

For endless complaints, we call it nagging. Complaining can be exhausting without any results, is useless to the problem, and rarely makes us feel better.

Almost everyone finds that if we confide in grievances to a sympathetic third party, and he will get angry with him, we will feel better. Someone says to you: “Poor baby.” This is a great comfort to you, your pressure seems to be relieved, so you can face the original situation again, although nothing has changed.

But if you don’t complain, you will feel tremendous psychological pressure. Stress is sometimes not a bad thing. Yes, it may make you feel uncomfortable, but it is also a force for change. Once the pressure is relieved, one can easily maintain the status quo. However, if the pressure is not lost in the complaint, it will build up and reach a limit, forcing you to take action to change the status quo.

Therefore, when you are ready to complain to a friend who sympathizes with you, ask yourself: Do I want to reduce the pressure and maintain the status quo, or do I want to continue the pressure to prompt me to change all of this? If it is the former, then let the pressure be reduced by complaining. Go away. When everyone complains, it makes us feel better temporarily. But if the situation really needs to change, make up your mind and take action!

4. Eliminate all waste of energy.

What is the power that is not conducive to improving our emotional intelligence? The answer is everything that wastes energy.

Many people’s nervous systems have thick calluses like father’s hands. We are used to being unaware of the consumption of energy. Energy is subtle, but you can also experience obvious changes. For example, when you hear good news, your adrenaline will surge, and when you hear bad news, you will feel exhausted. We usually don’t pay attention to the subtle consumption of energy, such as getting along with a negative person, looking for a piece of paper on the table, etc.

What are the things that slowly drain energy in your life? There is a small piece of carpet piled up in the corner of my house. Every time I see it, I think that someone might trip over it. This is not a big deal, but it distracts me. This is how we define distracting things-every time we touch we feel distracted. Sometimes it’s the same with friends — drawing and giving energy to each other — but some are energy vampires, they will only draw your energy. At this time, there are two choices: one is to face the problem squarely, establish psychological boundaries and continue to interact with them cautiously; the other is to reduce the interaction with such people.

Indeed, we need to get rid of things that are slowly wasting energy and get free to concentrate on improving our emotional intelligence.

Want to accelerate-you can choose to reduce resistance or increase driving force.

Try the methods we provide:

1. Always list things that consume your energy.

2. Analyze the list systematically and divide it into two parts:

A. It can make a difference.

B. Unchangeable.

3. Solve the problems in the A list one by one. For example, for me, hang the car key on a fixed hook so that I don’t have to look around.

4. Look at the problems in Form B again. Are you sure? Is it possible to move some of them to Form A to solve them?

5. Give up the question in the B list.

5. Find a living example in life.

We have all experienced the age of learning by example, and those examples are noble and distant to us. So our enthusiasm for example is gradually extinguished in the distance from the example, because we know that we may not be a great hero in our life.

Yes, you can’t be a great hero, but you can be a happy ordinary person, such as your friend Danning, who is energetic, young, generous, smart and funny. She runs a gynecology clinic, works as a company consultant, writes regular column articles for a city, has a handsome husband and a lovely daughter.

Do you have such a great person by your side, take him as your role model! You can think: I can do what she can, but our style is very different, I can not accomplish what she did in her way. But I will imitate some of her things and do it my way. From her you can always see your own potential that you have never noticed.

Find your role model among the people around you! They are smarter than you, better educated, higher level, and more persevering than you. You will naturally increase your emotional intelligence as you chase them.

6. Be a parent.

Being a parent will teach you a lot. When the child screams “Why don’t you buy it for me? I hate you!”, you can’t despair, can’t get angry, you need to understand him and accept the extremely resentful reality. You know, this is the best gift a child can give you. Of course, this hatred should not last.

Raising children is a win-win outcome. In the process of raising children, children learn how to get along with young parents who are not yet mature. As parents, we have smoothed out the edges and corners in the process of restraining our needs to meet the needs of children. Raising children will automatically improve our emotional intelligence and make us more qualified parents.

If you are unwilling to have children, you might as well try to look after children for your friends. Getting along with children can really improve our EQ.

7. Learn from people who are difficult to get along with.

There are a lot of grumbling, domineering and daring people around us. How we hope these people disappear from life, because they make people angry and desperate, or even go crazy. Why can’t these people be circled, bought a plane ticket, and sent to a small island, where they never

Will disturb others. However, it’s best not to do this. These difficult people are our helpers to improve our emotional intelligence. You can learn silence from talkative people, patience from grumpy people, kindness from wicked people, and you don’t have to be grateful to these teachers.

Moreover, what you define as a “difficult person” may eventually prove to be just a different person from you, and for the so-called difficult person, you are also a difficult person.

The most effective way to deal with difficult people is to be flexible. That is to say, the way of discovering them, in the process of interacting with them, try to be as flexible as possible to adopt the same way. If this person likes to chat first and then discuss business matters, your response should be to relax and talk about the daily routine. On the other hand, if this person is straightforward, you should also talk less and go straight to the subject. In this way, you will be more efficient when dealing with difficult people, and you will find that these people are not so difficult to get along with.

The second point of dealing with difficult people is to treat them as gifts. Judy married a domineering man. Married life is full of ups and downs for her, because she has no clear boundaries. Many years after the breakup, she learned to thank him because he taught her the importance of establishing and maintaining boundaries. Now when she meets such a man again, she doesn’t care at all. Judy said: “When you live with him, you won’t pay attention to these guys at all.” If she was married to an easy-going person, she might not have clear boundaries until now, and it will be difficult. Deal with those difficult guys.

However, if there is a choice, perhaps we will never choose someone who is difficult to get along with.

8. Try another completely different way from time to time, you will broaden your horizons and improve your emotional intelligence.

Are you a cheerful and outgoing person or an introvert who only likes to be alone or with a few close friends? Do you like to plan every day in advance to know what to do, or do you have no plan? Everyone All have their own preferences, if they can choose, everyone will choose their own preference. However, suddenly routine, trying the opposite action will be more helpful to our growth.

If you are always keen to be the center of the party, change it this time and try to make those who are usually inconspicuous get out of the limelight. If you are always passively waiting for others to strike up a conversation with you, you might as well take the initiative to ask them hello.


High EQ VS Low EQ

Scientists have discovered that people with impaired brain control parts (limbic system) can reason and think clearly and logically, but the decisions they make are very low-level. Scientists therefore concluded that when the thinking part of the brain is separated from the emotional part, the brain cannot work normally. When human beings make normal actions, they use two parts of the brain, namely the emotional part and the logical part. A person with high EQ uses all parts of the brain comprehensively, and in most cases uses its cerebral cortex.

High EQ:

Respect the human rights and human dignity of all people.

Don’t impose your own values ​​on others.

Have a clear understanding of yourself and can withstand pressure.

Confident but not complacent.

Good interpersonal relationship and get along with friends or colleagues.

Be good at dealing with all aspects of problems encountered in life.

Take everything seriously.

Higher emotional intelligence

Be a responsible “good” citizen.


He has an independent personality, but in some cases he is easily infected by others’ anxiety.

More confident but not complacent.

Better interpersonal relationships.

Can deal with most problems without too much psychological pressure.

Lower EQ

Easily influenced by others, and his goals are not clear.

It is better at forgiving than people with low EQ and can control the brain.

Can cope with mild anxiety.

Build self-esteem on the basis of others’ identification.

Lack of firm self-awareness.

The interpersonal relationship is poor.

Low EQ

Poor self-awareness.

There is no definite goal, and no plan to put it into practice.

Heavy dependence on others.

Poor ability to deal with interpersonal relationships.

Poor ability to cope with anxiety.

Life is disorderly.

No sense of responsibility, love to complain.

The role of EQ is to enable people to fully play the role and effect of IQ.