How comfortable you speak determines the breadth of your life stage and the height you can reach. Even if it is not for ambition, not for success, it can make you feel happy and happy, and make people around you feel happy and happy!
How should I talk?
1. Change everything you said “not right” to “right”.
A friend of mine likes to say “no” the most. No matter what others say, he first says “no”, “not right”, “no”, but his next words are not to overthrow others, they are just supplements. He is just used to saying “no” and everyone hates him. Who likes to be denied?
I interviewed a very knowledgeable professor, and I found that he has a wonderful little habit. No matter how stupid the other person is, he will say sincerely, “Yes”, and seriously point out the point that your statement can be established. , And then extended to talk about his views. He is such an awesome person and affirms you stupid, you must be flattered. And he raised your opinion to such a great height, you find that you and him are so powerful. Since then, I have learned this, first affirm the other party, and then talk about my own opinions, the communication atmosphere will be much better.
2. When you say “thank you”, you can add “you” or add the other person’s name.
What’s the difference between “thank you” and “thank you”? “Thank you” is a general term, while “thank you” is a special reference, and it is more deliberate. To a stranger, you say “thank you”, and to someone you know, adding the name of the other person will be much more friendly. a lot of. a lot of.
3. When asking others for help, add “how are you” at the end of the sentence.
Do not speak in a commanding tone. Adding the word “okay” will become a negotiating tone, and the other party will feel more respected. A friend is the president of a listed company. Every time he asks me to do something, he will add “Can you”, “Are you convenient” and “Okay”-especially for people who are inferior to him in the secular sense, in a discussing tone , It seems that you are more educated.
4. When chatting, use “I” less and say “You” more.
Cai Kangyong said that when chatting, everyone is me. Everyone just wants to talk about themselves. You talk about your own experience or your opinion on something, and then add “what about you” and “what do you think”, and leave the topic to the other person, so that the other person has the space and power to express, you will become much more cute .
5. Use “we” and “we” more often to get closer to each other quickly.
For example, making an appointment with someone you just met is more cordial than asking “Where will we meet tomorrow” and replacing it with “Where shall we meet tomorrow”. It’s just a detail change, right?
6. When praising others, don’t just praise the details.
“You are so beautiful”, “You are so smart”, “You are so awesome” are ordinary compliments. The more advanced compliment is to find out how beautiful, smart, and awesome the other party is. For example, I know a girl who has a very good body, and she has been tired of hearing that others praise her as a good figure. Someone praised her “Chinese girls have a poor waist-to-hip ratio, only you are an exception.” She was most impressed. She married each other. And people often praise me, Mi Meng, the book you wrote is great, your writing is so good, honestly I will treat it as a kind of polite, but if the other person says that I write an article that is particularly good, which paragraph he particularly likes , I will be particularly touched, it turns out that he really likes my writing.
7. Praise others for their little-known advantages and praise him for the parts he expects to be praised.
Beautiful people want you to praise her for its connotation, entrepreneurs want you to praise her for humanity, and talented women want you to praise her for beauty. Damn, I can’t help being mean again. What about a good high EQ? But if he is really superficial, he is really a profiteer, he is really ugly, and he can’t be forced to praise his conscience, it is not high EQ. , That is hypocrisy.
8. Use ridicule to praise others.
To be honest, sometimes I think straightforward compliments are numb, so it’s better to use the funny comparison mode to praise. For example, if you want to praise a person for a particularly good figure, you can say, “You will die if you have short legs and thick waist. I hate it, stay away from me.” For example, if you want to praise a beautiful woman who is particularly talented, you can say, “According to international practice, beautiful people are stupid. You are so good-looking and smart. This is a foul, no, this is a crime!”
9. Talking bad things about the other person in person, and good things about him behind the back.
High EQ does not mean not vomiting. Friends can’t talk to each other, what’s the point? But, please talk to each other face to face, and say good things about him behind your back! A former colleague, a beautiful woman, I thought she was very cold before, and once I accidentally I was so touched when I heard someone say bad things about me, she argued for me. His favor with her doubled in an instant.
10. You can laugh at your friend, but you can’t laugh at what he likes, especially his idol.
If you have friends who chase stars, you must remember this one. You can say that she is chasing a star with a brain, but you can never say she is chasing a star with a brain. The two girls around me are good friends who have known each other for more than ten years, saying that each other is as important as family. One of them was Daniel Wu’s brain-dead fan, and the other accidentally said, “Wu Yanzu is really old and his face is full of folds”, and the friendship ended on the spot. In the same way, when you want to be friends with a star chaser, praise her idol, not only to praise her idol, but also to praise her character, good fan, good acting skills, and talent. This is the fastest establishment. The way of friendship.
11. When meeting for the first time, you must try to remember other people’s names.
Many years ago, when I first joined the newspaper, I was a thoroughly diaosi reporter, and once interviewed Liang Wendao, he asked my name. After more than a year, when we met for the second time, he called my name as soon as he came. It was so touching. Many people say that I just can’t remember other people’s names. In fact, it’s not that you can’t remember, you think this matter is not that important. If you really realize that it is important enough, you will surely remember it.
12. No matter how fierce the tearing is, no matter how angry you are, you can’t say anything that really hurts the other’s self-esteem.
Yes, it is easy to be angry when quarreling, but one of the manifestations of high EQ is not to be angry. The more familiar the person is, the more he knows the other person’s culprit, so the words of anger are not only destructive but also destructive. Don’t rely on your familiarity with the other person to hurt him unscrupulously.
13. True temperament is for you to tell the truth, not for you to say bad things.
You can complain about your friend’s fatness, but you can’t say that she is “fat as a pig”. Ridicule and insult are two different things. Humor and owe are two different things. Directness and seriousness are two different things.
14. See through, but don’t click through, leaving a little room for others.
If you find that the other party has said something wrong or lies, don’t expose it in person. It is not necessary for others to show off the fake bag on their back. In fact, buying fake bags is already very bitter, and it is even more bitter to show off if you buy fake bags. When a person is not strong enough, she tries to prove herself with a famous brand. When she becomes stronger and confident, she will understand.
15. In social situations, consider the feelings of the minority.
If you have 10 people in a party, even if 9 of you are fellows, you’d better not speak in dialects, especially if your dialect is not understood by others, the other person will be very embarrassed. If you have 10 people, even if 9 of them are colleagues or classmates, and the other is not, don’t just talk about your company or your class. The other person will be very lonely. Take care of the minority and talk about topics that he can also participate in, so that he will not be isolated.
16. If you must show off, please add your embarrassment to neutralize it.
This is specifically mentioned in “The Unspoken Rules of British Words and Deeds”. If you want to show off your success, you must include your embarrassment to resolve the embarrassment that your success brings to others and prevent jealousy. If you have to say “I bought a bag of 30,000 yuan”, please add “I just went out and my friend asked me that this fake bag looks like it, A goods, it costs one to two thousand yuan”; If you must say “My family bought a big villa”, please add “I am a terrapin waxed the stairs, and fell a dog to eat shit when I moved in”…
17. Replace “Do you understand what I mean” with “Did I make it clear”.
“Do you understand what I mean?” “Do you understand what I’m saying?” What looks normal is actually wrong, because it will have a hint: do you understand, stupid? Can you get it? What is my point? If I replace it with “Is it clear”, then it is not accusing but self-blaming. Meaning, if I didn’t make it clear, I can repeat it again, isn’t it more polite?
18. It will be more pleasing to tell the little wretchedness in your heart.
I don’t think that people with high EQ are the Virgin and Father, who must be selfless. But if you have selfishness, you might as well speak up. If there are two apples, one small and one big. If you want to eat the big one, there are two ways. Give the small one directly to others and keep the big one to yourself. The other party will think you are really selfish; if you say directly, “I want to give you the big one, but I can’t bear it. Give it? You are also selfish, but you are so cute.
19. Make fun of yourself and become your own high-end black.
When I was in college, a roommate said that she hated me a lot of times, but there was one thing she thought was very cute, that is, I like to laugh at myself. Every time I laugh at myself, she likes me again. It requires a strong heart, a cheeky, and a sense of humor. Every time I tell my embarrassment into a joke and live myself into a joke. How badly Yang Mi was hacked before, when she started to hack herself, how many people turned her into fans.
20. One of the ways to comfort someone is to say something about your misery and let him heal it.
When others are sad, the only cure is to know that you are not the worst. For example, a fan told me that her boyfriend cheated. The key is that when she knew about it, he had cheated for two years. Everyone around knew about it. Only she didn’t know. She thought about committing suicide… I reply. My boyfriend had cheated for five years, how did I know? His cheating partner had lived with him for more than a year, and he ran to find me. To be honest, I can’t stand it anymore. I have never seen a stupid woman like me. I was stunned, and I went to question my ex-boyfriend. He didn’t do anything else and told me directly that he started cheating soon after we fell in love with me. We have been in a long-distance relationship for five years. He cheated for five years. All his friends. As you all know, I always thought he was kind to me like a fool. The fans felt much better after listening.
21. Don’t talk endlessly about your pain, pain is not connected.
A person with high emotional intelligence will try to understand and appreciate the suffering of others to the maximum, he will have empathy, and at the same time, he will not ask others to do the same. Therefore, he will not talk endlessly when encountering problems, and will not spread negative energy to others.
22. Don’t say “I told you already” “I knew it would be like this”.
We have reminded the other party of many things, the other party will still do it, if we are frustrated, suffer a loss, or be fooled, we can’t help but say, “I said it a long time ago”…
One Spring Festival, I had to go to Macau with my family. Student Luo said that there were a lot of people. I didn’t listen. Sure enough, there were a lot of people. We lined up for more than 5 hours to pass the customs. I had to get the pass by myself. It’s better to give it to him. I don’t. As a result, I lost the pass, so we couldn’t find a place to live. We sat for one night at McDonald’s…Every decision I made was wrong at that time, and it caused the worst. Bad result, but he did not say “I said it long ago”, but accompany me to solve the problem. I am very, very grateful to him for this. Since then, I will never say this again.
23. When chatting, if the other party is interrupted, ask: What did you just say?
Sometimes we even accidentally interrupted the other party. While apologizing, remember to remind the other party that what you mentioned just now… let the other party feel that what he said is respected.
24. Don’t want to win every conversation. If you win, you may lose your emotions.
Especially for your family, for your good friends, you should not be so aggressive. I often see some people arguing over whether the stewed eggs are delicious or the tea eggs are delicious. Is it necessary? Except for the big righteousness, let the other party win.
25. If you talk about eating, you must remember what the other person likes to eat.
As a foodie, I am naturally sensitive to food-related matters. At the same time, I will pay close attention to who loves what to eat, so that next time you eat together, you can order the other person’s favorite dishes. Many beautiful relationships come from such small details.
26. When sharing glory, mention others.
I remember someone praised Hu Ge, saying that he sincerely told the crew that when filming the film, everyone suffered together, but often only the actors were praised. He felt very guilty. This is the performance of high emotional intelligence. In life, you are praised by others, you have gained benefits, and you have to share your experience. Don’t forget to mention people who are helpful to this matter.
27. Mention yourself when taking responsibility.
I hate people who shirk responsibility the most, so much so that I have developed a habit of looking for my own problems first and reviewing myself first. So if anything goes wrong, my first thought is to admit my mistakes.
28. Don’t go crazy, Hu Shi said, getting angry is a kind of shame.
Hu Shi is a representative of high emotional intelligence, and almost no one has seen him angry. Learn to manage your emotions, take a deep breath for 10 seconds when you are angry, give yourself a buffer, and think about “Is this so serious that it can only be solved by going crazy”? Is there a better way to deal with it?
29. If you reject others, you can blame yourself first.
For example, when many people ask me for a draft, I will say, “I have a very poor character. I am a super procrastinator. I often release pigeons. The most responsible method for you is not to accept this draft. Really, please forgive me.” . Others had no choice but to say “Well, then there will be a chance to cooperate again.”
30. When seeking cooperation, don’t always say what you want, say what you can give to each other.
People often come to me, Mi Meng, I want to work with you on a project, and then he will start to say what he needs, what effect he wants to achieve, if I participate, his goal or wish will be achieved. He forgot one thing, you are neither my father nor my mother, why should I come to fulfill your dream? When applying for a job, many people always say, how much I need this job, you should say more about you What can you bring to this company and this position? Give the other party a reason to choose you.
31. Even for the most familiar and kind people, please remain respectful and patient.
Many people are very polite to strangers, but extremely impatient with family members, partners or friends, and often turn their faces. Because relying on the other party will not be angry. Why not leave your tenderness and thoughtfulness, your happiness and beauty to the person who loves you most?
Many people say that they don’t like people with high emotional intelligence, they are hypocritical. But I think that the real high EQ is not hypocrisy, but warmth.