People’s success = 80% EQ + 20% IQ; not to mention that compared with IQ, EQ is an artificially changeable variable. Therefore, EQ has become a topic of public lover. Some people explore, desire, and yearn to become more good person.
1. What does emotional intelligence look like?
The name that many people think of, but what is the real meaning behind this mysterious veil?
Emotional Intelligence Quotient, abbreviated EQ, was founded by American psychologist Peter Saloway in 1991. It is an index of self-emotion (such as self-confidence, optimism, impatience, fear, intuition, etc.) control ability. To put it bluntly, emotional intelligence is the ability of everyone to get along with themselves and others.
2. What constitutes EQ?
Now you are facing a fast-paced life, high-load work and complicated interpersonal relationships. You also believe that it is difficult to achieve success without high emotional intelligence, so you are eager to change and improve, but where do you start?
Neil Gorman, a professor of psychology at Harvard University in the United States, proposed the characteristics of emotional intelligence.
1. Self-awareness: Know your current emotions and the reasons for their emotions.
2. Self-regulation: Even if you encounter difficulties, you can control your emotions.
3. Self-motivation: Perseverance in the face of setbacks, self-enlightenment and a positive attitude.
4. Empathy: Able to recognize and understand others’ emotions.
5. Social skills: Get along with others by listening, understanding and appreciating the feelings of others.
Therefore, people with high EQ have strong emotional regulation ability, can correctly recognize and accept themselves, have an optimistic and positive attitude towards life and good interpersonal relationships.
3. How to improve emotional intelligence
1. Know your emotions
The general definition of emotion is a comprehensive psychological and physical state of people’s various feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. It is the psychological response to external stimuli and the accompanying physiological responses, such as: happiness, anger, sorrow, happiness Wait. If understood by definition, emotion is a reaction, we will find that everything has a reason to be angry. He was so dismissive of me! Didn’t you hear what he said in a vicious tone?! It’s really annoying that she interrupted me so casually…Since they did something to irritate me, then Of course I should be angry with them.
But in fact, emotion is not a reaction, but a decision. Whether he should treat me this way, and whether I should be angry, can actually be divided into two things. The difference between them is that the emotion of the former is a passive reaction, while the latter is an active decision.
Why do you say that? Think about it. For example, when you date your boyfriend, he is half an hour late. Some people feel very angry, how can they be late? Others feel worried: Will something happen to him? Others think that since he is late, there must be a last resort, but they feel considerate. Now I can understand that all our emotions are actually our active decisions after interpreting the event.
2. Manage your emotions
Recognizing emotions is followed by managing emotions. Usually the methods of managing emotions tend to be skill-based, such as taking a deep breath when the emotion is about to erupt, standing by the window and looking into the distance, etc. It should be said that all are effective but treat the symptoms but not the root cause. If a person gets angry, it is actually not because of the fuse.
There is a story like this. A certain scientist got up in the morning and didn’t find slippers. He was a little annoyed. At that time, he didn’t notice that he was angry. He went to the bathroom to wash the scum. At this time, his anger was growing on his own. He shaved and accidentally dropped the razor on the ground. He accidentally picked it up and dropped it again. He was in a worse mood. But he couldn’t lose his temper with the razor. He walked out of the bathroom and learned that the child had not finished his homework yesterday, so he was furious and slapped the child. His wife was inexplicable, so they quarreled. The scientist slammed the door and drove to work to the office. But in the end he didn’t reach the office because there was a car accident on the road.
Is the whole thing because he didn’t find slippers in the morning? No, it’s because he accumulated emotions when he didn’t find slippers, he accumulated emotions when he fell off the razor, hitting children and quarreling with his wife, and continued to accumulate emotions, and then became irritable Emotions erupted on the road and tragedy happened.
Although this is an extreme case, extreme cases can be seen everywhere in the news. The protagonist of the case is sometimes the parents of the parents and sometimes the urban management hawkers. Their common feature is “I’ve had enough, go to SHI”. Emotions broke out suddenly.
Back to the example of the scientist. Didn’t find the slippers? Remind myself that I have to put the slippers in front of the bed tonight; the razor fell and fell again? Look at it seriously and say it seems that you and I are exhausted, just throw it into the trash can; the child did not finish For homework, I have to ask why. If I communicate well, I won’t quarrel with my wife. The emotions do not converge into a raging river because of the previous events, and the driving state is safer and more stable.
3. Learn to motivate yourself
Maybe you will say to reward yourself who won’t, go shopping when you are in a bad mood, and you will feel better in an instant. What I want to say is, learn to reward yourself in an effective and not blind way. North State University psychologist Ed Deenner said: “For happiness, materialism is a drug.” And spiritual rewards are the best motivation to motivate oneself.
◆Forgiving heart; truly happy people pursue personal growth and establish close relationships with others; they measure themselves by their own standards, and never do not care what others do or have.
Christopher Peterson, a psychologist at Michigan State University, believes that forgiveness and happiness are closely linked, “forgiveness is the queen of all virtues, and the hardest to have.”
◆Let’s go with the flow; you will surely find that many things in life make us helpless. When you feel that there are more and more things you can’t do, have you forgotten that there is another most effective way to “go with the flow”.
Psychologist Chees believes that in the process of life, people may be dealing with difficult events, or they may be doing brain surgery, playing musical instruments, or solving problems with their children, and the impact is the same: in life The flow of many activities is the satisfaction of life.
You don’t have to speed up to reach the end, just let the flow take place.
◆Grateful for life; there are many trivial things in life. When you start to get tired of such a boring life day after day, do you leave yourself a grateful heart and discover the most beautiful scenery at the moment.
For example, when you are on the way to work in the morning, you unexpectedly find that today’s car is not so blocked, so you can appreciate life, thank it for bringing you a beautiful start to this day, I believe that if you appreciate it a little, it will Give you the smoothest and most satisfying day.
4. Cooperation and communication
Learning to understand people who are highly sensitive to interpersonal relationships, such as the most popular person in a circle, will help you improve your emotional intelligence. Other learning methods include reading novels-reasoning and romance novels, and reading some psychology monographs. This helps you learn to observe and experience sensitive emotions.
For example, what does it mean that her voice suddenly becomes higher, and what does certain actions of certain people mean. The experience should gradually transcend the surface and appreciate the motives and emotions behind them.
Because the external performance is sometimes fake, it takes a lot of accumulation and before-and-after comparison to know whether a girl says “you hooligan” to you is good for you, or wants to tell others “there is a hooligan”…
The problem to pay attention to is that when you encounter any emotions of others, you can’t think about “as for?” “Is it necessary?”. We must first affirm the emotions of others: it is necessary, established, and logical. Then try to sort out logic from these behaviors and emotions. But you must not be self-righteous, as a method of training emotional intelligence, this needs to be verified at the appropriate time.
So how to establish a good relationship of cooperation and communication?
◆Cultivate a good personality; if you have bad qualities, even if you make a lot of friends, it is rare to have close friends; on the contrary, if you have excellent qualities that promote interpersonal attraction, you will be easily cited by others.
◆Be good at understanding the real needs of others; these needs can be summed up to include the need for tolerance, the need for control, and the need for emotion.
In interpersonal communication, we must not only consider each other’s personality qualities, but also the other’s needs, because the basis of interpersonal communication is complementarity. It is difficult to maintain only asking for but not dedicating, or only giving but not asking.
Moreover, in communication, the most popular people are not the good people who only understand the risks, and certainly not the bitches who only know how to take, but the people who accurately respond to the needs of others. He understands that behind the emotions of others is the desire to be respected.
◆Master certain interpersonal communication skills; mastering certain interpersonal communication skills helps to improve one’s ability in life.
The communication between people is not arbitrary, but has a certain purpose and uses certain methods to communicate.
The better the communication method, the easier to maintain close interpersonal relationships. It is pointed out in the weakness of human nature that you should not criticize, blame or complain when you interact with others. You should sincerely appreciate and appreciate it. To others to like you, leave a smile, the most important thing is to arouse the urgent desires in others’ hearts and express sincere concern, the most important The thing is to respect him, make him consider himself an important person, and satisfy his sense of accomplishment.
Carnegie also said: “Remember his name and call him out!”