How can we better help friends? Below I will analyze from the perspective of psychology, and give some suggestions and feasible methods, I hope to help you and your friends!
Listen to each other’s distress
Due to differences in life experience, family background, education, etc., everyone has a different understanding of distress. Therefore, when trying to comfort a person, one must first understand his distress.
To comfort people, listening is more important than speaking. A frustrated heart needs gentle listening ears, not a logically keen, organized head. Listening is to use our ears and hearts to listen to the other person’s voice. Don’t ask the cause and effect of things, and don’t rush to make judgments. Give the other person space so that he can express his feelings freely.
When listening, we need to empathize, and the other person will perceive our inner fluctuations. If we can “sorrow his sorrow and be happy with his happiness” about his experience, this is the best help for the comforted person.
To accept each other’s world
The biggest obstacle to comforting people often lies in the inability of the comforter to understand, experience, and agree with the distress that the client thinks. It is easy for people to confine the definition of distress to the self-understanding range. Once it exceeds this range, it is unreasonable to “suffer”.
Because they disagree with the “suffering” spoken by others, the comforter tends to resist in the process of listening and can’t wait to put forward his own opinions. Therefore, the comforter needs to abandon his own deep-rooted concepts, admit his own prejudices, and truly look at the problems he is facing from the other side’s perspective.
The famous psychological saying “let down one’s own world and accept the world of others” is the truth. The best comforter is to temporarily let go of yourself, walk into the other’s inner world, use his eyes to see what happened to him, and not make rash judgments.
To explore the path the other party has traveled
The comforter often feels that he has an obligation to propose a solution for the other party. As everyone knows, every person who is tortured by distress almost has a series of continuous attempts and failures before seeking comfort.
Therefore, all we have to do is to explore the path that the other person has traveled, understand his struggle experience, let him be heard, understood, and recognized, and tell him that he has done enough and good enough. This is a comfort .
Comfort is not the same as treatment. Treatment is to make people change and cut off suffering by changing; while comfort is to affirm the suffering and not try to cut off the suffering.
In fact, in the process of comforting people, any solutions provided are likely to fail or not apply, and make the other party disappointed again. Therefore, without intervention or insight, listening, understanding and agreeing with their distress is comfort. The highest principle.
In addition, it is also a comfort to accompany each other for a walk. The other person will feel safe and warm in your company, so he will talk about his pain, tell his resentment, self-blame, regret, and say everything he wants to say. After he has experienced the storm, his heart will gradually calm down and face himself calmly. He will sincerely thank you for your company during the encounter, and feel that he came here on his own.