September 27, 2022

One tongue and two ears: listen more and talk less in communication

Nature gives people one tongue and two ears, so that we can listen more and talk less.

One day, Daniel invited his friends-an American couple, a German journalist, a Chinese friend and a Polish lady to dinner at home. After people introduced and greeted each other, everyone basically understood each other’s name and work nature.

When the dinner started, the Polish lady at the table began to ask the guests one by one: “I’m sorry, what did you say you do?” The people present again introduced themselves again, she was not there from time to time. When he finished speaking, he chipped in: “Oh! This reminds me…” Then, without thinking and chattering, he told an irrelevant story. The polite guests listened patiently to her endless boring stories, and Daniel, who was good at peace, made excuses to take over the topic from time to time so that others could have a chance to speak.

Daniel asked an American friend: “Ellie, I heard that you recently organized a charity event to donate money to African children. How is it?” “Oh, poor African children, they live under unimaginable conditions…” Ms. Poland Before Ellie could answer, he switched to the topic again.

“Drink, please,” Daniel politely used an excuse to stop the topic she might go on endlessly, “Christopher, how is your wife in Berlin?” Daniel asked the German reporter. “She is about to give birth.” The German reporter replied.

“Oh, God, she must be careful of dystocia, when I gave birth to a baby, dystocia happened…” Ms. Poland took the topic again. This time, she spoke quickly, never leaving Daniel a chance to interrupt. The guests ate a delicious dinner and listened to bloody stories of dystocia. Soon, the American couple and Chinese friends found excuses to help clean up the table, hid in the kitchen and stopped coming out, leaving only the poor German journalist concentrating on sharing the story of her catastrophe.

Afterwards, Daniel said: “I’m very sorry, the conversation lost control tonight.” The American couple said: “An unforgettable woman.” Since then, this Polish lady has never appeared at Daniel’s family party.

By our side, it is not difficult to find someone like this Polish lady who is passionate about expressing herself and does not care about the tolerance of others’ ears. Their tongues are like a clockwork perpetual motion machine, unceasingly excreting the vocabulary in their minds, they pay no attention to observing other people’s reactions, and they speak without stopping and without leaving the opportunity for others to interrupt and question .

The prefix (com) of communication and exchange (communication) contains the meaning of “joint participation” in English. Communication psychology emphasizes that a person who is good at communication should be an audience first. When he needs to speak, he must first observe the nonverbal response of others with his eyes, and then he can decide the content and form of communication.

According to statistics from social psychologists, we spend 50% to 80% of our time communicating with people, and during this communication time, half of our time is listening.

Especially in the development of personal career, “listening” is listed as a more important communication skill than “speaking”. Listening is a good opportunity to increase knowledge and value; what we say should first be related to listening or come from what we hear.

Listening is an art that a successful career person must master. Listening is the easiest way to establish a good image of oneself. Therefore, communication psychologists have repeatedly advocated: “Learn to listen before speaking.”


Starting today, please don’t do this:

1. Look away from the speaker, look around.

2. Continuously interrupt other people’s speech.

3. Absent-minded, doing other things in hand.

4. Pretend to be listening.

5. Negative, lazy, lax body language.

6. Overemphasize the differences with the opponent and argue with each other.

Please do it like this:

1. The eyes correspond to the speaker, and the face reacts according to the other party’s words.

2. Lean forward to express interest and concern in conversation.

3. Use head movements, nodding to express agreement, shaking head to express denial.

4. Use the words “um”, “yes”, etc. to show that you are listening.

5. To “what you answer is what you ask”, this means that you are communicating with others.