Are you upset when others treat you well? When others give you something, will you be anxious, and quickly hope to have a chance to return, so that you can feel at ease and relax, and even because of this, you don’t really want the other party to give it. What, “give” has become a kind of pressure and burden, will it?
If so, I think you are keeping your distance from others. A certain distance. Because the other person treats you well and shows kindness to you, they are all getting closer to your relationship and emotions, which are all a kind of expression of hope to get closer.
To be good to you is to hope that you can see this kind of goodness and feel this kind of goodness. If you can “accept” this kind of goodness, this in itself is a kind of “agree to be approached” permission.
And showing kindness to you is a kind of performance, showing his heart, and also an invitation, inviting you to come over, let each other get a little closer, and the relationship is established little by little.
However, you refused. You rejected it with “Quickly Give Back”. Sometimes, this is a very delicate state. Because it seems “you give me, I give you”, in response, we are building a relationship, aren’t we?
But inside, it is really the inner feeling behind that, supporting and defining everything.
I give it to you. If I want to give, I am willing to give it. There is my enthusiasm. I am happy, happy, and enjoyable to “show good” to you. Therefore, “I want to give you something to express my feelings and Friendship”, then, this is “the establishment of relationships.”
But if I give it to you, I can’t wait to give it back to you. I can’t wait. It is a response to stress and worry. It is an equal exchange. There is not much “beautiful, comfortable, happy” state. , But it is more of “anxious, worried, worried, even worried”, think about it, how much of your feelings will be passed on to the other party,
Does it make the other person feel that you push back and want to leave the heart quickly. So, is it establishing a relationship or drawing a distance? You ask me, I actually want to get along, but does my approach push each other away?
I said, neither is it.
Yes, your mind is good, and the approach is reasonable and reasonable. It contains your care and respect for the other party, and I hope that the other party can see your mind.
But it’s not, the feeling behind you and the underlying heart are more powerful than your thoughts.
It is more like a kind of “inertia”, leading your reaction and feedback. Your “worries, worries, and anxiety with others coming over you” in it are fully revealed. .
It will unconsciously lead you away, obviously “I want to come closer, but I am afraid to come closer.” The latter is more powerful, so it pulls you, stops you, and builds obstacles in your desire until you, Inertially return to the “safe distance” that I feel.
All this was calm again as before. So did you find out?
If you cannot establish further relationships with others, you are actually drawing a circle for yourself and setting up an automatic barrier. Once there is an “external approach”, you will start a series of “unconscious reactions”, or Make the other party stop at a certain position, or “retire” and leave a certain distance,
All in all, as always. . You ask me, so, what kind of adjustment can I make? Because I don’t want this.
I said, it depends on “from the shallower or from the deep”, the shallower, first put aside the anxiety of “the other party treats me like this, how can I go back”, don’t let these start from the beginning. Take away the beautiful feelings,
Instead, try to feel more, appreciate the other person’s goodness to yourself, open your heart, be touched, and give yourself some time to “immerse yourself”, enjoy such “good to me”, “feel and enjoy” “, will deeply appreciate the “beautifulness that people can get close to each other”, and if you move your heart a little, you will be attracted, motivated, and have the courage to “lead you forward and give each other” .
And the deep level is “Vipassana”. There are obstacles, a pattern of attachment, and worries and fears. Where do these come from?
Where does the concept of “getting along with others” take root?
A little bit of tracing, a little bit of opening, with doubts, follow the “self-questioning” to walk into your own past, try to go a little further and go deeper, and see “the situation that I was in back then”, and The source of the “inherent mode” I learned from this,
To be able to see is the beginning of everything.
If you can be clear, it will give you some peace and calmness, and how to adjust. Maybe there are both “adjustments to the past and legacy” and “changes to the current self-state”.
That is the topic that will be discussed in the next step. But at least, you can “jump out” to understand yourself, right?
Can you understand how your “consistent model” has been established little by little, and how many inner worries are hidden behind it, and is this “worry” really necessary?
How much is necessary for existence? Does its “degree” continuously cross boundaries, and it was originally a barrier to “protect you”, but now it has become an obstacle to “building relationships and emotions”?
Let you only “walk within a certain limit, but never dare to go deeper”?
Maybe, these alone can make you think about it, right?
The more you can make it clear, clear, and think about it, the answer will appear.