June 20, 2021

Psychoanalysis: How to deal with people you don’t like

Our daily life is bound to deal with all kinds of people. There are classmates, roommates, and teachers in school, and colleagues after work. It is inevitable that there are some disagreements in popularity. Sometimes there is no special reason, just looking at each other is not pleasing to the eye, which affects the mood every day.

There is no deep hatred, just a feeling that even if you pass by the other side, you feel that you can’t make it through this day.

What should I do in this situation?

Let me introduce two super useful methods.

1. Labeling



When we hate a person, we often give this person a role that he shouldn’t have assumed. For example, a roommate who goes to bed late and wakes up late affects your work and rest time. Ta’s basic identity is actually a roommate, and you may see that the other party is unhappy because you subconsciously hope that the other party can take care of your schedule and emotions, and then adjust your own schedule. So in other words, apart from treating the other party as a roommate, you are actually asking the other party to do some behavior as a friend.

But as a roommate, as long as the other party does not infringe your privacy and personal space, the basic conditions of being a roommate are satisfied. Wanting to be friends is actually a very extravagant need, so the disgusting feeling is caused by my own extravagant needs. If we define this person as a roommate, and the other party meets the basic conditions of being a roommate, then the remaining things are actually irrelevant to you. It is very ridiculous that you consume all emotions in a relationship that does not exist.

You said that you have so many emotions to deal with, are you sure you really have the time to manage these?

It is better to focus your limited energy on things that are worth your consumption.

So the core of the labeling method is not to spend any emotions for a person that does not belong to the person’s role. For example, in the case of a colleague, as long as the other party does not affect your performance, and there is no overfilling in teamwork, some of his stinky problems, such as shaking his legs at the next station, and always spilling coffee on the table, etc. It has nothing to do with you.



2. The Stockholm syndrome method

You may not be unfamiliar with Stockholm Syndrome. This is a psychological phenomenon that appeared in 1973, that is, the victim will show empathy, sympathy and various positive emotions to the kidnapper, and sometimes they will even maintain it. And protect the kidnappers.



We used to listen to it as a joke, but this method is actually very effective in dealing with people who don’t like it.

Because strong emotions can be transformed into each other, that is to say, love will not always be love, and hate will not always be hate. They will change under certain conditions, and the condition for this change is to see the frequency of contact.

I believe you must have had such an experience in your life, someone you hated once, but then not only did you not hate it, you even liked it.

If so, then you are not alone, because this is a psychological law that everyone will have.

Then, if you apply this question to the person you don’t like, it is very operative. As long as you artificially create more opportunities to contact the person you hate, then when the frequency of contact is high to a certain level, you will Symptoms of Stockholm syndrome will appear, which will eventually eliminate the annoying feeling for this person.