September 30, 2022

Psychology: If you don’t keep your boundaries, others will bully you

If perversion is inevitable, what can we do to avoid being hurt.

Without boundaries means: one’s own interests cannot be fought for, and things that do not belong to one’s own cannot be rejected. Habitually endure, endure again, endure again, back down again and again, and keep being violated.

If you repeatedly yield to your own boundaries, others will repeatedly violate your boundaries. This will keep you seamlessly connected.

The logic of Shinobi is: Once a person is satisfied, he will not ask for it anymore. So I am going to meet him.

But the reality is: people want more when they are satisfied. Until I was rejected many times and knew that I would not want it, I would stop asking for it.

If someone does not bully you, you can try to tell the other party your bottom line, abilities, responsibilities, interest needs, etc. in various ways such as language, strength, and posture. Don’t flood the relationship with too much sympathy, don’t like to sacrifice yourself to satisfy others.

For others to respect you, you must respect yourself first. The way to respect yourself is: My needs are also very important. I am a principled person.

The process of maintaining one’s own boundaries will experience turbulence, running-in, and shock, which will make you feel uncomfortable, and will produce a huge sense of selfishness, villainy, guilt, and fear. This is a new model and an unaccustomed model.

When you are rejected, others will also have various uncomfortable feelings, so others will have opinions on you. But you have to believe that an adult needs and can bear these discomforts. If this person cannot bear being rejected by you, the continuation of the relationship will only make you lose more.

Moreover, you have to believe that the other party is not that vulnerable and will not be easily killed by you. This is just a process of running-in, just a trial to find a boundary acceptable to both parties. Only then can we live in harmony and equality.

Boundary is the basic posture of a person to have an independent self. To live oneself is to start by establishing boundaries.

And to establish boundaries is:

Although I am very kind, it does not mean that I have no principles.