Unclear boundaries are one of the biggest problems of Chinese-style families. Parents are always prone to excessive interference and control. If we want a harmonious family relationship, we must learn to draw a clear line and keep a certain distance from our parents.
The most tiring heart often comes from the closest people
I am for your good, the greatest arrogance
One of the biggest characteristics of Chinese-style families is the unclear boundaries. Especially between parents and children, it is easy for parents to treat their children as their own private property, thinking that your business is my business, and you should listen to me if you are my child, thus causing excessive interference and control.
Everyone has their own life, and everyone has their own standards of judgment. Who is qualified to make decisions for others?
When a parent uses such words to force the child to obey their own decision, they just impose their own happiness standards on the child.
In their hearts, the standard for how well you live is not your own feelings, but whether you live in line with their standards.
It is precisely because of this mentality that parents will criticize, insult, demean, punish, etc. when their children do not meet their own standards, and make their children obey themselves. Invisibly, from a protector to a persecutor.
Blurred family boundaries make everyone miserable
Psychology believes that there are different departments in every family, including couples, parents, children, siblings, etc. In a healthy family, these departments should perform their duties and cooperate with each other.
Once someone wants to intervene in the affairs of other departments, then the family will inevitably have problems. And in the end, more than one person is often injured.
The affection of adults is to keep a distance from their parents
When many people hear about family boundaries, when they hear about keeping a distance from their parents, they will feel that this is filial piety and rebellion, and even feel a strong sense of guilt and guilt in their hearts.
But this also proves from the side that in the subconscious of many people, parents and themselves are on opposite sides, it’s just that they have been suppressing their nature.
In fact, the word boundary is not as ruthless as we imagined. Keeping a distance from your parents does not mean to completely cut off your affection and become an enemy of your parents, but to treat your family relationship with a more mature attitude.
In this attitude, children and parents are completely equal, respect each other and tolerate each other.
Parents no longer intervene in their children’s lives as they please, and children can also give their parents more sensible love and care while retaining their independent self.
Such an attitude means: I love you, but you are free; I love you, but I respect your choice.
Of course, as a child, if you want to keep a distance from your parents, this will inevitably hurt the parents, just like the mother of Little A.
But just like when you were a kid, no longer willing to go to school, your parents will send you cruelly. Any kind of growth is bound to be accompanied by pain.