The so-called high EQ is not to suppress our own emotions, to be false, but to be ourselves comfortably and understand the desire of others to be ourselves.
High EQ does not depend on tolerance, so we are open-minded when we are alive, and we are tolerant when we are alive, and we no longer have trouble with ourselves, but I don’t like all of these.
What is tolerance? Just pretend to be okay and let it pass. What is the cost of doing that?
If you pretend to be fine once, it will pass. But if you let an event pass three times, you no longer have the interest to pursue it.
When the suffocation in my heart slowly disappeared, the crack between the two people also formed.
Tolerance is over-respected in marriage, and if you want to say something, you can’t say it. If things go on like this, the relationship between husband and wife will become weaker, and it will even make us lose our passion for life.
Because you will think that the two couples will not be like this for the rest of their lives, it is nothing more than alive.
We have been instilled a kind of thought since childhood, that is tolerance.
However, we do not want to tolerate everything, including good and bad; should and should not. Sometimes we don’t need to tolerate, you need to speak out your true inner thoughts.
Do we often hear such a sentence when arguing in certain dormitories: “I have endured you for a long time!” So, why do we have to be patient with each other?
If there are any problems, can’t they be solved? The consequence of tolerance is that dissatisfaction accumulates, and conflicts will erupt one day.
Admit that you are an emotional person
Each of us has set up a small kingdom in our hearts. We take ourselves for granted as the king of this small kingdom. We hope that everyone around us will serve our small king.
Listen to our words, take our will as the will and serve us.
It’s easy, we will hope that Mom and Dad would give us pocket money every day; classmates, colleagues in the company, it would be better for everyone to love me; lover, send me roses every day…
It is a pity that things are not like this, even if the entire universe is not centered on the earth, how could the world be centered on us?
Therefore, although we regard ourselves as kings, other people, everyone, also regard themselves as kings of their own little kingdom.
This is why we often feel unhappy. Because it is impossible for others to follow our will.
Others will think backwards, why are we so disobedient? Why don’t we give pocket money and roses every day? Give scores in every class?
This is why we can easily feel that others will bring us troubles. When it is serious, we may even say something as serious as “others are hell”.
What should we do at this time? How can we make others not hell? The important thing is not to carry this hell with yourself.
High EQ means to dissolve this hell from yourself, so that you can admit that you are an emotional person and that others are emotional people.
Only after acknowledging the existence of emotions can we get along well with our own emotions and the emotions of others.
When many people hear that emotional intelligence can be improved, what they think in their hearts is, “I can control my emotions from now on.”
Is this really the case? You want to go to school every day, and when you go to work, you will be happy every day, and nothing that will bother you happen. Or when you break up in love, you hope you can immediately regain your mood and be cheerful, without pain and sadness. Could it be like this?
If this is the case, we will treat our emotions as our enemies, as if we are a scourge, as if we do not control our emotions, we will be transformed into a monster.
But things are not like this. Emotions are not sent by God to make trouble for us, nor are they viruses in the computer system.
Emotions are actually part of us. When we look in the mirror, we can see our facial features, our limbs, we can see smiles, and we can also see sad expressions.
If, once we wrap up all our facial features, limbs, and all our limbs with cloth tightly, who would be willing to live such a life?
If the so-called improvement of EQ is to control ourselves and control emotions in this way, then we can simply put on a mask, or we can directly become a robot. This is not our goal of improving EQ.
We want to improve EQ because we want to be ourselves comfortably and understand the desire of others to be ourselves.
The way of EQ is to treat yourself as a human being
High EQ is certainly not a panacea. After improving EQ, it is impossible to solve all problems.
For example, if you have no money in the bank now, after you improve your EQ, you won’t suddenly have a million more in your account. There is no such good thing.
It is undeniable that improving EQ will bring many benefits along the way. Others may understand your emotions more easily, prefer to get along with you, and may feel more comfortable with you.
However, these are just the benefits that happen incidentally after you improve your emotional intelligence. What I really care about is that you can get along with yourself after improving your EQ.
Improving emotional intelligence itself is a valuable thing.
I think the most important thing is that we have to treat ourselves as human beings, we have to admit that we are alone and that we have emotions.
We accept when we are vulnerable, so that we can become strong one day; when we accept that we have darkness, in this way, we can sometimes become sunshine. This is called treating yourself as a human being.
And the way of emotional intelligence is to teach us to see clearly, where is our heart?
At the same time, after such practice, we can also treat others as human beings.
Maybe you think this is a matter of course, but when you think back to the days we lived, we often feel troubles. Is it because we neither admit that we should have emotions, nor are we willing to accept that others have emotions?
I have seen some parents who send their children to EQ classes.
After they came back from school, they flaunted to others and said, “Look at our children, their emotional intelligence has become higher. This is very useful for children.” If you ask TA further, what is usefulness?
This mom and dad might answer: “After our child has gone to an EQ class, he has become well-behaved and obedient, and will never lose his temper anymore.”
After I heard it, I was very confused. The child will no longer lose his temper. Is he a good child? So afraid of the child losing his temper, why not just raise an egg?
I think the so-called good child is nothing more than an exquisite furnishings and a prop in the ideal little kingdom that mom and dad set for themselves.
Using others as props is not an ideal way of life. Everyone is a human being, not our prop.