Sorry to reject others, this is a common phenomenon in social interaction.
Not good at rejecting other people’s requests and doing things reluctantly will often trigger negative resistance: you let me make coffee, I either talk too much sugar in the coffee, or accidentally knock it over.
Without rejecting others, there will be no good social interaction.
Why don’t some people reject others?
There is a reason for worry: if I reject others, they will be angry, they will no longer like me, and they will conflict with me.
This worry is not entirely unreasonable. But he doesn’t know that if you don’t reject others, others are happy, but you are not happy in your heart. If you are not happy in your heart, you will also express dissatisfaction with him, and you will not be able to establish a good relationship with him.
Besides, in addition to your inability to protect your own interests, he will despise you. And people don’t have a real affection for people they despise.
Rejection will cause conflict, but after the conflict, you may establish a real friendship with him. He will respect you and love you accordingly. If he is the kind of person who doesn’t allow you to insist on your own interests, you don’t have to be friends with him.
Another reason for not rejecting others is guilt: I should not reject others.
This is a wrong concept. Everyone has their own needs and rights. Why should they unconditionally accept the demands of others?
Some people will use your guilt to control you. If you don’t do what he wants, he will show sadness, frustration, and criticize you for not caring about friends, being unfair, etc. But you should firmly believe that everyone should be responsible for himself, and you have the right to decide whether to take responsibility for his difficulties.
Rejecting others is not terrible, nor is it a bad thing. There are many skills to stick to yourself and reject the unreasonable demands and criticisms of others, and you can learn them through practice.
The easiest, but very effective method is to keep insisting on your opinions. Do not make complicated arguments with others, but just repeat your own opinions or requirements repeatedly.
For example, when a salesman wants to sell a book to Xiao Zhang, but he doesn’t want to buy–
Salesman: Do you want to make your kids learn faster?
Jack: I think, but I don’t want to buy this book.
Salesman: Your wife will want your child to have such a book.
Jack: Maybe, but I don’t want to buy this book.
Salesman: This book is very good and not expensive.
Jack: I know, but I don’t want to buy this book.
Salesman: Why don’t you want to buy it? It will improve your child’s grades.
Jack: No, but I don’t want to buy this book.
Don’t argue, don’t talk about the shortcomings of this book, because you argue, the other party may argue against you, and if you don’t argue, just insist, the other party can’t do anything.
This is called the broken record method.
When others criticize you, you can follow the facts criticized by others without rebuttal, but insist on your own opinions confidently and mildly.
Critics: You are always so sloppy.
Counter: Yes, I always do this.
Critics: Look at your pants, it looks like they were stolen from the laundry room and they have not been ironed.
Counter: It’s a bit wrinkled.
Critics: There are also shirts. Your aesthetic taste is really bad.
Counter: Maybe, I’m not good at it.
Critics: The clothes are not neat, can the work be done well?
Counter: There is indeed room for improvement in my work.
Critics: You don’t feel guilty at all when you receive your salary from your boss every month.
Counter: Yes, I have no guilt at all.
Critics: You should feel guilty.
Counter: Maybe yes, I should be a little guilty.
The sharpest sword can’t cut through the fog barrier. This method is to turn you into a cloud of fog, so that unreasonable criticism cannot be effective.
This is called the fog barrier method.
There are also other methods, such as negative rhetorical questioning. When others accuse you of being wrong, ask calmly: “Why is this wrong?”
Once you have mastered these methods, you can deal with unreasonable demands and criticisms. So as to better protect their rights.
This will make you happier and more confident.
So that you have better relationships.