October 07, 2022

How do I know if I am gay?

Only rely on yourself to judge your sexual orientation

First of all, there is no so-called “test” that is scientific and reliable. Many tests circulated on the Internet are nothing more than packages of prejudice and superstition.

Judgment of sexual orientation, first of all, only rely on oneself and trust your intuition. This is mainly judged based on two factors: one is sexual desire, that is, the individual of which gender is sexually attracted and sexually driven; the other is emotional desire, that is, the individual of which gender is strong and willing to establish intimacy with them Desire for relationship.

Here, we need to clarify a lot of vague or wrong ideas. Almost every week someone writes to me saying that I now like men, but I like women in meditation in middle school. Does this mean that my sexual orientation has changed or that I have been “corrupted” by others?

“Like” is a very vague concept. Like can have many different meanings. If the two factors mentioned above are not included, then it is meaningless to judge sexual orientation. In addition, people of the same sex tend not to hate or reject the opposite sex as many people understand.

Some people say that I only like a person of the same sex, and others do not like it. The so-called “it’s just that the person I like happens to be the same sex” argument. This is actually a very ridiculous concept, no matter what sexual orientation, the vast majority of people are not “pan-like”. In other words, assuming that you are of the opposite sex, you will not like every opposite sex in the world, and of course the same sex will not like every same sex in the world.

An interesting phenomenon related to this is that many people with opposite sex tendencies, if they find that people around them, such as roommates, are homosexual tendencies, they will be in panic all day long, thinking that they will be “liked” and harassed. In fact, this is self-loving. .

In addition, some people feel that judging sexual orientation must be tried. This is also a misunderstanding. Some people say that although I like the same sex now, I have never had sex with the opposite sex. How do I know that I will not like the opposite sex? This is very ridiculous. We might as well ask the other way: countless people with opposite sex have never tried the same sex, how can they know that they will not like the same sex?

The three sexual orientations are all normal expressions of humanity

In a civilized and tolerant society, everyone has the right to live according to their own nature. Although we talked about sexual orientation may be innate, but even a choice should be tolerated and accepted. As a member of a gay group that has been discriminated against, please do not discriminate against others.

Other reminders:

1. Go back to your earliest memory. If you feel that you are always different from others, you may be gay. But not every homosexual has this feeling.

2. Ignore the established pattern. If you have behaviors that do not match your gender, you are not necessarily gay. The reverse is also true: not conforming to some established patterns does not mean that you are gay.

3. Understand that “homosexuality” and “heterosexuality” are not always fixed. The research done by sexologist Kinsey decades ago showed that some people only desire the same sex, some people feel the opposite sex, but more people are in between.

4. Think about whether you feel that you are the opposite sex. If so, you may be a Transgender, which is different from homosexuality.

5. Carefully examine your inner feelings. It is normal to have a good impression of the same sex, or to notice the attractiveness of the same sex, especially for teenagers. But this does not mean that you are gay, unless your desire for the same sex is stronger than the desire for the opposite sex.

6, Try not to let society hinder your judgment on whether you are gay or not. Remember, both the American Psychological Association and the American Psychiatric Association stated in the 1970s that homosexuality is not wrong.

Tips and warnings:

1. It is not necessary to judge your sexual orientation. The important thing is to be happy, or to find someone with whom you can live happily, but you don’t have to accept any label and the burdens that come with it.

2, Don’t rush to draw conclusions about your sexual orientation.

3. Remember, if your relationship with others does not make you happy, then you may or may not be happier if you try to develop relationships with people of another gender. Happiness is not always related to the gender of others.