Simply put, the first point is to clarify responsibilities, and the second point is to deal with shame.
There are multiple angles and entry points for dealing with shame. For example, from the perspective of responsibility, because we have clarified the responsibility, we can ask the visitor: “Why are you innocent but you are ashamed? You are not wrong, why should you be ashamed? Shame of a person should be done bad things or have Bad attempts, and what did you do, what are your attempts? I think the person who disrespects you is to be ashamed, not you!” If the visitor is in the situation and cannot listen, we can give an example, such as ” When a person drove a car and injured another person and ran away, is the person who was injured ashamed, or the person who escaped after the accident?”
Some visitors are ashamed of having pleasure in being sexually assaulted. We can tell the visitor: Pleasure is a natural response of the body, just like the body will naturally feel cold, hot, painful, and numb. It is not determined by your will. Even if you don’t want to feel cold, someone puts your hand in the ice. You will still feel cold in the water. If you are not ashamed of it, then you have no reason to be ashamed of your body’s pleasure in unwilling sex.
Some visitors are ashamed of being “multiple times”. That is to say, the first time it was forced, and then there have been sexual acts, but not so forced. Maybe the other party asked her to go and she went, or she even took the initiative to go. We tell visitors that even so, you don’t need to be ashamed, because without the forced first time, there will be no later ones. Even if you need that person later, it’s understandable.
The more common and deep shame of visitors is that they feel unclean. This is of course a distorted concept, but this concept is very common and deep. I admire what one of my Satya teacher said to her 16-year-old daughter. At the time, her daughter was going to study in Japan. She said: Daughter, I believe you can protect yourself, but I also want you to know if it happens. What you are very reluctant to do, in my heart, my daughter is the same as it did not happen, just as white and flawless.
If women have the opportunity to receive this kind of sex education in the family or society, it is of course very good. There is almost no such aspect in China, so the counselor should work in the counseling room. According to the different levels of uncleanness, we can have different practices. For the shallow ones, we can use metaphors. For example, if our hands touch something that we don’t want to touch, we only need to wash them, and we will still have clean hands. , Every part of our body is equal.
For those with a deep concept of uncleanness, one way is this: spread a piece of white paper in the consultation room that is large enough for a person to lie down, let the client lie on it, and then the consultant puts it on the paper according to the body shape of the client Draw a human figure, and then do a meditation for the visitor. The point of meditation is to imagine that a magical brush enters the body, like a person cleaning his room with love, cleaning up all the unwanted dirt in the body, putting it in a bag, and throwing it into the river to wash away Or burn it with fire or bury it deeply into the ground to turn it into fertilizer (let the visitor choose from his heart), then hug his body and bid farewell to the past.
Working on responsibility and shame for sexual assault clients can help visitors to a large extent. After that, the proposition that is usually faced is to forgive and let go.
The first is to forgive yourself, as stated in the signature, that is to accept your own inability and limitation at the time; the second is to forgive the person who hurt, this is more difficult than the former, there can be two angles here: one is to forgive him, and the other is See clearly that person forgive him.
For the first perspective, we can ask the visitor: Are you willing to forgive him for yourself? You forgive him not because he is not at fault and not ugly, but because it allows you to unburden you and live a better life. Forgive it?
The second angle is more difficult, but it is also deeper. The principle is that every “evil” person is first a victim. He does not get enough love and respect in his growth, and thus becomes distorted. It is like an apple tree. The apples produced by a healthy tree are sweet and pleasant, but if the environment where it is located is insufficient in nutrients, water, and sunlight, or if it is improperly applied with pesticides, or is infested by insects, It’s not tasty or poisonous. We can also compare a person who was robbed to a person who was robbed. On the whole, the quality of life of the person who robbed was worse.
The third forgiveness is for destiny. For example, visitors will think: I know I don’t need to be responsible, and I don’t need to be ashamed of it, but why did this happen to me?
This is a test of the psychologist’s understanding of life and destiny. Personally, I usually have two kinds of guidance:
First, say to the visitor: Can you accept that there are accidents and regrets in your life? Some people are born without a mother, some people lose their legs at the age of 20, and some people cannot see the world for their entire lives. Some people want to love his father very much, but his father passed away early and he has no chance again. Can you accept that everyone has some kind of accidents and regrets in their lives?
Second, say to the visitor: Can you just accept what you cannot understand? Why do we have such a height and appearance, why are we born in such a family, why we encounter some special experiences, there may be no logic Can explain, are you willing to just accept and see how you can live better?