In life, there are a group of girls who are always obsessed with mature men who are much older than themselves. These girls are called “uncle control”. Many people say that “uncle control” is because of “Electra complex”.
However, in psychology, the term “Electra complex” does not just mean “fascination with men like fathers”, and the Electra complex does not only happen to girls.
Today, let’s talk about the “Electra complex” with you.
Electra complex refers to the complex emotions of girls’ Electra and hatred of their mothers, and is the characteristic of the second stage of girls’ sexual psychological development. At this stage, the girl is very affectionate towards her father, regards her father as the main sex object, and regards her mother as redundant, and always hopes that she can replace her mother and monopolize her father. The effect of this complex is similar to the boy’s Oedipus complex.
“Electra complex” comes from a legend in ancient Greece: Princess Electra’s mother murdered her father together with her lover. The princess determined to avenge her father, so she urged her brother to kill her mother. Freud used this to name the Electra complex.
Freud believes that after the birth of a girl, because the organs are not yet mature, they need to rely on their mothers to maintain their lives, and they have a sense of security under the care of their mothers. This feeling will continue to form in future life situations. An intimate relationship.
However, when children are three to five years old, children begin to be interested in sexual organs, touch or reveal their sexual organs and get pleasure from them. At this time, the personality develops to the sexual organ stage. Children have a strong curiosity about sexual activities and the relationship between their parents. He even perceives that the relationship between their parents is more special than their relationship with themselves. Children in this period often ask their parents “Where do I come from?” During this period, the “Electra complex” became the main problem that plagued girls.
Girls find that they lack male sex organs, and therefore blame their mothers. Some psychoanalysts believe that such attributions can explain the fact that many women have ambivalent feelings towards their mothers throughout their lives.
Girls begin to feel that they are defective and have “pen-is jealousy”. This feeling will affect their lifelong behavior. After that, she went to seek a new love object. Because her father had sexual organs she did not have, her father became the object of her attention, thus increasing her love for her father and forming a competitive situation with her mother. But this is not allowed, so girls have an “Electra complex”, commonly known as “Electra complex”. In the end, she had to suppress the love for her father and identify with her mother.
Do you have an Electra complex?
From time to time, compare the men you meet with your father;
Always hope to fall in love with a man older than yourself, or the secret sexual fantasy object is a man who is much older than you;
Sometimes, you will deliberately act to disappoint your boyfriend/husband, just like deliberately disappointing your father when you were young; you will unconsciously expect your spouse to tolerate yourself, or even tolerate yourself too much. The attention and love I didn’t get when I was a child;
Even if you succeed in your studies and career, you still feel a vague feeling of lack of affirmation, just like when you were a child, you rarely got affirmation from your father;
When you are in love, you are more inclined to find someone who can take care of you and is powerful than to take care of the other person, but even if the other person meets this standard, it is difficult to bring you a sense of security;
Looking back on the interactions with people from childhood to adulthood, I found myself subconsciously looking for the existence of an “authoritative man” (such as admiring older teachers, liking male leaders, etc.);
Although I am eager to make a boyfriend, I feel that men are untrustworthy, just like you think your father will never give you what you want.
Electra complex does not refer to the desire to fall in love with someone like a father
In fact, the Electra complex does not mean “going to fall in love with one’s own father”, but refers to the unconscious impulse that some people have for those masculine and masculine older men. In other words, the “father” in the Electra complex does not refer to the real father, but a man who is masculine, determined, and has leadership qualities, and is much older than himself.
“Electra complex” is divided into two types: positive and negative. Active Electra will yearn for, approach and appreciate older men, and are more inclined to the performance of Electra that people generally recognize. The negative Electra will alienate, distrust and even resist older men, such as quarreling with male teachers, or inexplicably straining relations with male leaders.
Psychologist Jung pointed out that not only women have an Electra complex, but men may also have it. For example, some men also hope to receive continuous protection and care after they reach adulthood.
How does the “Electra complex” affect you?
Affected by the Electra complex, people will experience “compulsive repetition” in love.
The so-called compulsive repetition refers to a person repeatedly and uncontrollably putting oneself in a situation that may be traumatized.
In other words, people who are affected by the Electra complex are less likely to be attracted to “good men”, but will unknowingly always have a deep and strong interaction with a certain type of person (like a father). And I want to get the love that I didn’t get from my father, even if I keep hitting walls and being abused.
Other Electra will have the phenomenon of “overcompensation”. They reject those who are similar to their fathers and insist on finding a partner who is completely different from their father.
They believe that since they can’t get the love they want from their father, they can get happiness as long as they avoid people who are similar to their father. In love, they will look at the other half repeatedly and constantly compare each other with their father. As long as they find that the other half is similar to their father, they will begin to distrust each other and prepare to escape.
These two seemingly opposite situations actually show that this person is deeply influenced by his “father”, whether he insists on finding a partner similar to his father or a partner who is far away from his father.
However, it needs to be pointed out that for girls controlled by the uncle, even if you call your uncle “dad”, you cannot really find a “father” again. You might as well try to stop seeking shelter from others and let yourself be your own protector.