27 women, have never been confident and sensitive to low self-esteem, do not like to get along with people in reality, often speak and dare not look at others directly, feel that their real personality is suppressed, but feel like a fish on the Internet, probably because the voice is good, chatting with various boys, using Other people’s photos, making up names, making up some miserable selling experiences that they don’t have at all, all kinds of catering, make them feel sorry for me, like me, but in the process, I will be truly emotional, in the end because I know it’s impossible to show up , They are all lies, so I made up a drama to break up. It was something they couldn’t solve, showing that I had to break up, making them feel guilty and remembering me in their hearts, and then I would truly suffer for a while, The above will be repeated later. I have never exchanged money. I feel guilty for the boys who have been broken up. They will suffer insomnia and confession all night. But after a while, I don’t realize it. I feel like crazy and disgusting. How can I become normal like this?
First sort out your question:
A 27-year-old female, sensitive and low self-esteem, dare not look directly at her words, suppressing her personality. Addicted to online dating, deceived others with fake photos time and time again. I didn’t dare to show up because of the fake photos. Although I was in love, I had to break up. Knowing that I did something wrong, but unable to extricate myself.
What are the reasons for these problems?
A person’s personality has a lot to do with his family environment. An inferiority-sensitive personality is definitely not what we want, but once there is a sign, if it is not resolved in time, it will become more and more serious under long-term accumulation.
Because of your low self-esteem and sensitive personality, you will habitually fear and avoid when you interact with people in your life. You give yourself too much oppression, afraid of making mistakes, and finally suppressing your truest self.
In fact, you really want to get a love from others, and you want to be affirmed by others. In your daily life, for various reasons, if you do not get this love and affirmation, you will have to wrap yourself up with false information , To get the attention of others on the virtual platform of the Internet to satisfy their little sense of vanity.
So what should we do?
1. Change your living environment. The rules of life are hard to change. For example, the weak eats the strong. Most people like the beautiful, sweet-mouthed sister-in-law. This is a fact. But we can keep us in a better mood by changing our own surrounding environment. Ask yourself, did you sweep it? Is it dragged? Are things organized? Has the garbage been cleaned up? When you finish all this and take a look at your renewed home, I believe you will have a strong sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.
2. Difficulties are not for avoiding, but for conquering. Chekov once said: Difficulties and torture are for people a hammer that hits the blank, which should be fragile iron filings, and forged into a sharp steel knife. The more we avoid, the more fearful we are. For a better life, we must stand up and defeat it.
3. Don’t aim too high, start with small things. Most of us have the habit that when we decide to do a certain thing, we will set ourselves many goals. The whole day is full, but the result is not satisfactory. So I think our change can start little by little, set a small goal for ourselves, and then complete it, and after conquering it, we can move on to the next goal.
In fact, I used to be particularly inferior and sensitive, but I was not willing to be better than me, so I constantly forced myself to talk to others, forced myself to make friends with others, and forced myself to speak on stage. Then slowly, I discovered that, There are actually many things, but we think too much. Really, when we dare not do something, we think that it adds a lot of difficulties to it, and then tell ourselves: It’s so difficult, I definitely can’t do it. It’s just self-deception.
4. Don’t be addicted to the Internet, go out and have a look. The Internet is a double-edged sword. It not only facilitates our lives, but also makes us addicted. But what is false is false after all. No matter how good the disguise is, it can’t change the facts. Go out more and look at the real world. Maybe you will have a different experience.
5. Positive self-suggestion, fully affirm yourself. The first step to love life is to love yourself, and the first step to love yourself is to affirm yourself. Each of us is a unique existence, a successful existence that has experienced the survival of the fittest. We should be proud of our life and tell it every day I am great myself, I can do it. You will slowly find that every day is so full of fighting spirit, we are so beautiful. Actually, each of us is the protagonist of our own world, right?
The heart is not as good as the action. If you want to change to make yourself happier and happier, then start to change, come on! To
There are some social fears, the inability to establish normal intimacy with people, and the need for emotion and self-realization is suppressed, so this impulse is transferred to the Internet. You have carefully packaged a different self on the Internet, but you find that many people will chat with you, so you start to continue this self-made and self-acting with the sweetness.
This can indeed temporarily satisfy your emotional and self-realization needs, but it cannot change the fundamental problem. You still cannot really communicate with people and develop intimate relationships in real life. Everything is like a flower in the water, the moon in the mirror, but because it brings you temporary satisfaction, you can’t stop. The subject seems to be living in your own fantasy, unable to walk into the real world, which will make you unable to adapt to normal life and work. The more you rely on the Internet, the more unable to walk into reality.
If you can’t stop making up behaviors on your own, it is recommended to find a psychological counselor. The counselor will use some systematic methods to help you build self-confidence, teach you the skills of communicating with others in real life, and establish intimate relationships.
You need someone to tell you that you can. Even in real life, someone will like you. As long as you can show yourself bravely and be friendly to others, why would no one like you?
You don’t need to show your true colors, but you relax a lot. Maybe this is the reason why you are so prosperous online? Because you feel that the other party can’t see you, you can communicate with people freely. This proves that you are actually capable of communicating, just because of some thoughts in your mind, such as feeling that you are poor, and no one likes the true self. It is these negative and negative words that make you unable to lift your head and close yourself.
You have to tell yourself that the real you is great, you don’t need to hide, you don’t need to be another person, you have to encourage yourself positively every day and tell yourself that it’s valuable. I’m good enough, even if I commit Some mistakes do not mean that my whole person is bad. Gradually you don’t hate yourself so much, you will sprout a little confidence, so that you dare to communicate with others in real life.
Now that you have the ability to communicate on the Internet and the voice is very good, maybe you can do a live broadcast and tell stories instead of making up stories on the Internet. You can be a voice anchor without showing your face.
You can also make short videos. Now that short videos are so popular, everyone makes up stories to entertain the public. Maybe this is also the strength of the subject? I think you can give it a try. This is not a deception, but it is generating value and giving you confidence. When you can successfully produce and have fans online, it will also increase your confidence and satisfy your need for self-realization.
We often make mistakes. As long as we can realize the problem and correct it in time, we can still have a good life. The subject is still young and has a lot of time to improve himself and live the life I want. Don’t be afraid, you have already taken the first step in asking for help. This is the first step in all changes. Find a consultant and you will come out slowly.
The girl’s heart is extremely painful and insecure. Want to get attention from others, but are you so confident? Therefore, weaving a set of [ideal] personal experiences is like living the “excitement” in the life you want. From a psychological point of view, I also want to [satisfy my inner desire]. Don’t blame yourself, shall we analyze it?
Analyze and understand the problem:
1. 27 females, have never been confident and sensitive to low self-esteem, do not like to get along with people in reality, often speak and dare not look at others directly, feel that their true personality is suppressed, but they are like fish on the Internet
(The Internet, as we all know, is a virtual world. A girl with a sensitive inferiority complex can really [temporarily] change the way of life in the online world. The words used by girls are very real [like a fish in water], I saw this girl Finally [can release] myself.)
2. Probably because the voice is okay, chatting with various boys, using other people’s photos, making up names, making up some miserable selling experiences that they don’t have at all, all kinds of catering, making them feel sorry for you and love you
(If, in reality, you can dare to chat with a boy, using your real photos, names, and real experiences, I believe someone must love you, like you, and most importantly, you [I must like myself]. Isn’t it cute? girl.)
3. But in the process, you will also be really involved in your feelings. In the end, because you know that it is impossible to come out, it is all a lie, so you make up a drama to break up. It is something they can’t solve, showing that you can’t The state of not breaking up makes them feel guilty at the same time that they will never forget you in their hearts. Then they will be in real pain for a period of time, and then they will repeat the above.
(There are several defense mechanisms: emotional [selective isolation], partial [dissociation state], which means: I want a real experience, but can be [withdrawal at any time], for example, withdraw immediately after real pain. At this time, I was very sensible, not allowing myself to stay in that relationship.)
4. I have never exchanged money. I feel guilty for those boys who have been broken up. They will suffer from insomnia and repentance all night. But after a period of time, I don’t realize it. I feel like crazy and nauseous. How can I become normal?
(Dear girl, I know that you are kind, because you are not involved in money, you will repent and pain like that. This is indeed a [vicious circle], it is possible to break nature, but it takes some time to break your The existing [thinking mode] is currently a small problem. But please don’t worry, you can adjust it and don’t attack yourself, OK?)
Face the question: “In terms of personal emotions, I feel sick to myself, what should I do?”
～～I don’t know what happened to you before? Don’t know what you experienced?
But I can feel that you have not been treated [very well], so that you are so unconfident in your personality and have so many worries. Although I have not seen you, I think you must be a [cute] girl. A girl who is more worthy of being loved.
～～What you do has a [behind the behavior]. Don’t scold yourself, okay?
If we do something wrong, we will slowly correct it. If not, we will learn. Who doesn’t have some misunderstandings? Isn’t it?
~~What should I do?
First, overcome it slowly by yourself and stop posting false information online, because you will feel at ease! If you can’t do it, can you come to a professional consultant for help? I still believe that you are a kind girl with a beautiful heart.