Although research in psychology, in terms of probability, similarity will make conflicts in intimate relationships less and easier to be happy. But there are also many couples who are very different from each other and live happily. In addition, the differences and similarities in intimate relationships often exist at the same time. For example, two people have big differences in diet between North and South, but they have similar expectations and requirements for married life. Or two people have big differences in three views, but they can live happily by tolerating and learning from each other in the process of getting along. To
Marriage and intimacy are very complicated things. There is no absolute standard template for a happy marriage.
It can even be said that for a thousand pairs of men and women, there are a thousand ways to get along.
As I grow older, I have more experience in psychological counseling, and I have been in my marriage for several years. I no longer judge the intimacy of others as easily as I did when I was young. A jade-like young girl is standing next to a short and ugly man who is a dozen years older than her. I would most likely say that this girl must go for the other party’s money, and her emotional emptiness will definitely be unhappy in the future. .
Now I know that men and women who look unmatched may actually match where others can’t see them, or they may match on a psychological level. They are each other’s right people.
-02- Find someone who makes each other laugh
Friend H is a relatively large skeleton, a height of 1.7 meters, and a slightly fat female. It feels a bit like the female warrior Brienne in “Game of Thrones”. Although her husband is also 1.7 meters tall, he is relatively thin. When I was with her, I felt thin and short, and the two of them looked very strange.
At the beginning, when the outside world was generally not optimistic, H reluctantly chose to marry each other. After so many years of marriage, the two had children and raised their lives. They were more loving than when they were in love. Instead, everyone started from the beginning. His disapproval turned into envy.
This looks very different in appearance, men and women who are not right are unexpectedly coordinated and fit in life and on the emotional level. To
H’s husband likes H’s big body and fleshy figure, because he thinks that such a plump woman is the most beautiful and feminine. His aesthetic standards are not the model figure and net red face that many people agree with now.
When they were in love, he often looked at H intently, his eyes filled with infinite love and tenderness, saying that she was the best-looking woman in the world, the most perfect and the cutest woman.
Just imagine, H must have many men in life or other people who think she is too tall and fat, they think she is not good-looking, not beautiful enough, but there is a man who thinks she is so beautiful, does she feel particularly good? Are you willing to be with each other?
H’s temper is more irritable, but her husband can always calm her down in a few words. She is also easy to be amused by what he says and understands many cold jokes. In her eyes, her husband is a very humorous and funny person.
H’s husband said that he likes chatting with H the most, because she knows him well, and only she knows the jokes she tells. When she looks at each other smiling, she also becomes happy.
In the American drama “Sex and the City”, Mr. Big said to Carrie: “There are many beauties in New York, but in fact, after a while, you just want to be with people who can make you laugh.”
Yeah, who would not like to make people laugh? Is there anyone who doesn’t like people who are easily amused by themselves? To
In an intimate relationship, being able to laugh with each other in daily life, that is, being comfortable or uncomfortable together, happy or unhappy, is more important than looking good.
-03- Couples who don’t cook can live happily
As bystanders, we actually don’t know much about the truth about other people’s marriages. Sometimes those who are very different, and even people who think they have problems getting along, or couples who think their lifestyles are weird can also reap themselves in marriage. Happiness.
-04- In a thousand families, there are a thousand ways of getting along well
There are a thousand ways of getting along in a thousand families. There is no way to get along, or it must be bad. Finding a way to get along with each other is the best.
Two people are doing their own work and things they like in their respective spaces without disturbing each other.
But from another angle, it is also very enviable. Because they gave each other great respect and freedom, they didn’t kidnap someone in the name of love to waste energy and time on things that he didn’t like.
I have seen too many couples and couples who quarrel because the other party is different from myself in the consultation. Those who love sports always force those who don’t love to exercise with themselves. She who likes reading always thinks that he loves playing games. They are not motivated, and affect their rest… If they learn to give each other more freedom and space to be alone, maybe the marriage will be much happier.
-05- The marriage that suits you is the best
Looking at the marriage stories of so many people, we can see that the forms of marriage can be so different.
Nowadays, this is an increasingly diverse and free society. More and more people are living in a form of marriage that breaks the tradition. Couples who do not have children, do not cook, do not sleep together, and go back to each family during the New Year can also live the same way. The key to happiness lies in whether this approach is mutually acceptable and recognized. On the premise of not hurting others, as long as both people in the marriage accept or like it, there is actually no way of life that cannot be done. I believe this will greatly alleviate the fear and worries of marriage among young people who are afraid of marriage.
In short, “Shoes are uncomfortable, only the feet know”, and marriage is the same. Only the ones that suit you are the best.
To be happy in marriage, you don’t have to stick to the rules, but you need two people to have a lot of self-knowledge and be creative, to create a way of getting along for them instead of following the so-called “road of happiness.”